The Ultimate Weapon
Airdate: Saturday, March 16, 1968 at 9:00:00 PM
Columbia House Tape: 21913 - Underground Agents
Klink is adressing the prisoners, bragging about the "invincibility of the LuftWaffe and the great genius of German military tactics." He's showing off 4 newly captured Allied airmen who were shot down during a raid on the ball bearing factory at Zuglitz. Newkirk gives a sarcastic "Here Here", to which Klink replies (with his best smug look) that "if there are any more raids on Zuglitz, the war will soon be over! Any questions?" Hogan, never one to let this smugness go unpunished, asks him "What happened last night at Cologne?" This of course flusters Klink ..... "diiiis-miiised!"
Hogan is not happy though. The Allies are losing to many men over Zuglitz because the Germans have too many fighters based near the factory. At Carter's prompting, he decides to do something about it.
Hogan visits Klink in his office, finding Klink working over a full sized map of the current conditions of the eastern front. Hogan butters him up by asking if all Germans are born with the aptitude for great military tactics, then gives him another dig by mentioning the Russians. Hogan then looks at the map. "Looks like a bulge her ein your line at Kiev. I'm strickly Air Force myself but couldn't that be trouble?" Klink can't admit that the Russians would be getting the better of the Germans. "As you said, you have not the background for it. We are simply moving our troops back to bring the Russians into a trap."
Klink is waiting for Radio Berlin to report that the "trap has been sprung" on the 6 o'clock news broadcast. Hogan heads over to the radio as Klink blathers on about how the trap will be spruing, and rips the wires from the radio set. After showing it to an incredulous Klink, he takes it back to the barracks so that Kinch can fix it up in time for the "smash, crash" of the Radio Berlin broadcast.
Kinck fixes the radio, and the plan is to hook it up to the radio in the tunnel. The only thing that will come through the radio is what Hogan broadcasts to it. His plan is to listen to the Radio Berlin broadcast, record it and play it back to Klink 30 minutes later. Newkirk then comes out to tell Hogan that the broadcast is in, and the Russians broke through the lines at Kiev for a 20 mile advance, with the Germans in full retreat.
Whne Schultz comes by asking where Klink's radio is, Newkirk steals his watch and sets it back 30 minutes. Hogan tells him that Klink didn't miss the broadcast because it was 20 minutes to 6, and not after 6 like Schultz believes. Schultz is at a loss, which is not unusual for him! He can't figure out what happened to his watch - it was 10 minutes after 6 when he got there and now it is 20 minutes til 6. While Schultz is contemplating his watch problem, Hogan plants the seed that Schultz will know that the Russians would break through the lines at Kiev and advance 20 miles.
Kinch then comes out with the "fixed" radio and they all head to Klink's office. Klink is mad because the radio was not back by 6 in order to hear the broadcast. Hogan tells him that it's only 3 minutes til 6 and he didn't miss it. Schultz confirms this when asked, and even Hilda is in on it and says that it is 2 minutes til 6.
While waiting for the broadcast to begin, Hogan tells Klink of Schultz's idea that the Russians would break through at Kiev and advance 20 miles. The broadcast begins and they find out that the Germans have a new solidified line ... 20 miles closer to the glorious reich! Schultz is flabbergasted that he was actually correct. (It happens so infrequently!) Hogan asks him what he thinks will happen the next day, but before he can tell him, Klink has a coniption and throws everyone out of his office. (He's so childish when he is wrong - and that happens all too frequently!)
We next see Hogan prompting Schultz about anotehr prediction, this time that the Russians will advance to just inside the old Polish border. Schultz, of course, agrees with Hogan's prompting, and drinks more of the schnapps that Kinch has been pouring for him! We find out that if he is right today, it will be 7 in a row - a military genius is about to be born! When Klink, Schultz and Hogan are listening to the broadcast, they find out that the German lines were shortened to positions just inside the old Polish border. "This brilliant strategic withdrawal, accomplished only by heroic sacrifices" means that Schultz is right again.
Klink cannot believe that this is anything but blind luck. After all, "he's only a sergeant." Hogan then reminds Klink that Hitler was just a corporal. Schultz then begins to tell everyone his "considered view", at which point Burkhalter walks in and asks what he is talking about.
Hogan fills the general in on Schultz's genius. Burkhalter asks what he's predicted so far. When Klink tells him that he's predicted every defeat on the eastern from so far, he responds with "What good is that? If he could tell us what German cities will be bombed and when, that wouold have some purpose." So Schultz is on the spot and has to come up with a city quickly. After HOgan prompts him with "any city", Schultz settles on Hamburg. So Hogan gets on the radio and has London bomb Hamburg.
Back in Klink's quarters that evening, Burkhalter is wondering if his old friend Schmidt is under attach in Hamburg. Hilda makes the phone call and Burkhalter talks to his friend. While talking, the line goes dead, indicating that Hamburg was bombed and Schultz was correct again.
Burkhalter wants to send Schultz to Berlin for testing. Hogan suggests that sometimes these thinga rely on familiar surroundings, so Burkhalter changes his mind and has someone come from Berlin to test Schultz. It turns out that the person sent from Berlin is Colonel Hoffman of the Gestapo - a female! This surprizes Burkhalter and Schultz as well - "You are a colonel?" She seems pretty cold towards Hogan, and you can feel some of the tension between them.
That evening, they are waiting in Klink's quarters to see if Schultz's target for the night, Dusseldorf, is bombed. Burkhalter gets off the phone, "I have wonderful news. Dusseldorf has been wiped out!" Schultz is proclaimed by Burkhalter to be the ultimate weapon, after which Schultz predicts (with the usual prompting from Hogan) that Berlin will be the target for the next evening. Burkhalter then makes plans to have the fighters guarding Zuglitz moved so that they guard Berlin.
Colonel Hoffman is not convinced. She wants to talk to Hogan some, alone, about the psychic connection that he has with Schultz. They talk a bit, and it turns out that Colonel Hoffman wants to make another connection with Hogan. She tells him that she wants to be something other than what she is, and breaks down. Hogan, being the good samaritan that he is, "comforts" her for a while.
The next day, the men are trying to get some details from Hogan about the night before. He's a bit testy and says that Colonel Hoffman may be on their side.He then notices that she's leaving and goes to talk to her. They have a private conversation in her car, after a little liplock session. It turns out that she has to take an overnight inspection trip ... to Zuglitz. Hogan is troubled by this, but has to let her go since he is not sure about her.
Burkhalter, Klink and Schultz wait to see what happens that evening when the trap is sprung on the Allies bombing Berlin. Schultz is in true form - claiming everything will be "flat as a pancake!" When the call comes in from Berlin, they find out that Zuglitz was hit, and it is - you guessed it - flat as a pancake.
Hogan and his men are listening via the coffeepot. Hogan is distracted and upset, thinking about Colonel Hoffman. Right about that time, there's a knock on the door and in walks Colonel Hoffman, congratulating Hogan on the bombing of Zuglitz. It seems she never intended to go to Zuglitz. She was suspicious of Hogan and was testing him - in her words, "I was just doing my job." Now she wants to get out of Germany and wants Hogan to help. Hogan asks if this is another trap ... but hears "I get out or I die ... very unpleasantly." He agrees to help and when she asks why he let her go to Zuglitz, he replies "I was doing my job."
Later, we find out that the Gestapo has blamed the whole thing on Colonel Hoffman. Klink is lamenting all of the terrible things that happen to Germany - "Why do these terrible things happen to us Hogan? Why?" "Why not?"