Sergeant Schultz

Jawohl Herr Kommandant! I beg to report that the prisoners are all present and accounted for.
Ah Schultz, never mind ...

Prisoners ... welcome to WebStalag 13. I'm Col. Wilhelm Klink, the Kommandant. You have just entered the toughest POW camp in the whole Internet. We have not had a successful escape, which is a remarkable achievement unmatched by any other WebStalag. So I would advise that you don't even think about escaping. I'm sure Col. Hogan has advised you to tell me only your name, ISP and web browser version number, so I won't even bother asking.


Now I'll acquaint all of you new prisoners with the camp, which will be your home for the duration.

So please enjoy your stay - you have no choice. Remember, no one has successfully escaped from WebStalag 13, so you will be here for a long time. If you have any questions, please visit the Hogan's Heroes FAQ before coming to my office. Both Fraulein Helga and Fraulein Hilda are very busy.

(What? Oh, yes, yes, of course.  Heil Hitler.)

Colonel Wilhelm Klink, Kommandant