This Game was written in response to another challenge from the Hogan’s Heroes Smartgroups List. The challenge itself, offered by NETRAT, is listed below. We again do not make any claims on the original Hogan’s Heroes’ characters. All other characters are ours.  But again, those characters are free for anyone to use, if you so choose.  

 

Our rating for this story would be PG-13.  Enjoy!

 

The Episode Title Referencing Challenge. 

 

Here’s the rules:

 

HH has some of the most intriguing episode titles around, more so than most other shows. The challenge is to write a story referencing as many episode titles as you can, but at least five (if the story’s a short one… otherwise, there should be more). By referencing, I mean that the title must come up in dialogue – it does NOT mean that you have to refer to the episode. Of course, you can choose yourself just how difficult you are going to make it – after all, there’s a choice of 168 titles and I imagine it would be much easier to reference “The Well” or “The Informer” than, say, “How To Escape From A Prison Camp Without Really Trying”. 

 

Additional rules:

1. You should include the titles at the end or, if there are many, at least highlight them in the text.

2. The word “the” can be omitted.

3. You’re allowed to cheat a bit – for example, “Six Lessons By Madame LaGrange” would be considered referenced if the words “six”, “lessons”, and “Madame LaGrange” are used in the same sentence. 

 

There’s a couple of good episode guides out there, so finding the titles shouldn’t be a problem. Does anyone want to have a go? Please tell me if you do, as I’d love to read the results!

Have fun!

Netrat

 

Thanks for the inspiration and the beta-read Netrat!

We took this challenge hoping to fit in all 168 titles.

Were we successful?

Read on…

 

That’s the Name of the Game

 

What’s in a name?

A chance to create a prophecy.

Names are permanent and sacred.

Many believe a name embodies the essence of a person

and influences self-concept, personality, and success.

 

Excerpted from http://www.dailycelebrations.com/012300.htm

 

Hammelburg, Germany, Luft Stalag 13,

Kommandant’s Office,

November 3, 1943, 0715 Hours

 

“You must be psychic Kommandant,” Hogan replied in feigned astonishment. “Are you sure you don’t have any gypsy blood?”

 

“Hogan, while admittedly, you are my favorite prisoner… don’t think I still can’t read you like a book.  An informer told me…”

 

“Figures. There’s one in every crowd,” Hogan bemoaned. “Who squealed?”

 

“The request was for ‘no names please’, however he shall become forever known as ‘Colonel Klink’s Secret Weapon!’” the German replied haughtily shaking his finger in the air.  “Now. As I was saying, the tower at the north end of the camp will be moved twelve yards to the east.  That should make sure that you and your men can not take advantage of the darkness of the moon to escape.”

 

Hogan sighed, “What does a guy have to do around here, request permission to escape?” 

 

“You Hogan… are a man in a box.   There is no way out for either you or your men,” Klink pointed out.

 

“That’s true.  But one day I will be able to say that this was the most escape-proof camp I’ve ever escaped from,” Hogan declared.

 

“You’ll be shot trying,” Klink affirmed.

 

“Then they’ll be calling you ‘Killer Klink’,” Hogan pointed out.  

 

“If it comes to that, yes.  No one ever escapes from Stalag 13,” Klink reiterated.

 

“Well getting shot sounds too painful,” Hogan replied with a resigned shrug. “Easy come easy go, as they always say.  I guess it’s back to the old drawing board.”

 

“Hogan when will you and your men realize, that for you, the war has taken a holiday?” Klink asked.  “No one, least of all you my dear Colonel Hogan, will ever escape from Stalag 13.”

 

“I know, but it is our duty to try,” Hogan replied seriously.

 

“It always seems that you and I are in a constant battle for Stalag 13.  Just know that it will be you who will lose in the end,” Klink said.

 

“You must be bucking for Kommandant of the Year,” Hogan smirked. “Or maybe even Fuhrer?”

 

“Hogan that’s not funny,” Klink stated seriously.

 

“But, isn’t that the dream of every German soldier? Come on Colonel. You have the same regal bearing. You could pull it off. All you need is the mustache. I can see it now… people won’t be able to tell you apart. They’ll be in the streets shouting will the real Adolf please stand up!” Hogan continued snidely, and then sighed.  “Actually there is the height issue… you could kneel Kommandant.”

 

“Hogan, go home!” Klink yelled.

 

“Home sir?” Hogan asked hopefully.

 

“Barracks two! The only home you’ll ever know until this war’s over!” Klink said exasperated, and pointed toward his office door.  “Now. Get out of my office!”

 

“Yes sir.” Hogan saluted, “Heil Klink!”

 

“HOGAN!”

 

Hogan left Klink’s office thinking to himself – a little guiltily. I’m still amazed that I can always get Klink to do what I want. It’s really such an unfair exchange… but I’ll get used to it. 

 

As Hogan traversed the snow covered compound to Barracks Two… 

 

He heard the first of the guards from tower one yell, “It’s eight o’clock and all is well.” He glanced at his watch and shook his head at Klink’s newest attempt at tighter security. Klink now had the guards making vocal status checks from one tower to the other… on an hourly basis. When is Klink ever going to realize that he’s the prisoner’s prisoner? I’m so looking forward to the day that I can finally admit to Klink, how we all got to escape from this prison camp without really trying. 

 

Hogan sighed and continued to his barracks, even as the sounds of the German guard’s voices faded to barely noticeable. He opened the door to the barracks only to overhear LeBeau commenting to Kinch, “But I have to go out today, there’s a clearance sale at the black market!”

 

“I know Louie, I just need to make sure our purchasing plan will support a shopping excursion today,” Kinch assured.

 

“What difference does that make,” Newkirk asked.  “It’s not like we’re not using hot money.” 

 

“No one’s going anywhere, Klink’s on the warpath,” Hogan said interrupting the conversation.  “Although he did take the bait of our little red herring… hook, line, and sinker.  He really thinks there is a traitor in the house. Good work Carter.” Although how Klink can believe Carter would turn traitor is beyond me.  “Anyway, he is going to move the tower over by the well.  From there we should have an unimpeded view to watch as the trains go by. And then once we have the new schedule… we get to have front row seats to witness the next shipment of airplane parts go up.”

 

“You bet boy, um sir. I’ve got the track already wired with dynamite, it’s all set,” Carter eagerly added.

 

“That nearby German bridge is supposed to be falling down to remember,” Newkirk pointed out, as the memory of a certain London Bridge invaded his thoughts.

 

“Right, you do have the Hammelburg Bridge covered Carter?” Hogan asked. And then after getting the expected nod from Carter, he continued, “So as soon as it’s moved, we will need to man that tower. We just have to come with a plan to distract the tower guard. Don’t worry, I’ll think of something before then. So Carter you’re up first,” Hogan ordered. “The only thing we know for certain is that it will be a Luftwaffe train.”

 

“Oui, we will certainly be coloring the faces of the Luftwaffe High Command red when that train goes up,” LeBeau interrupted.

 

“Yeah, and it shouldn’t take long for them to find out that some of their plane’s parts are missing,” Carter added with a smirk.

 

“Okay, so we’ll be ready to go as soon as we know the train schedule.  But remember, everyone needs to keep the big picture in mind here. Operation Hannibal must go off without a hitch,” Hogan said.  “It’s a big gamble for us. But if everything comes together as planned, it will certainly be a bad day in Berlin for the Luftwaffe.”

 

“Well it should work out fine Colonel. Let’s just be glad this plan is nothing like the Crittendon Plan,” Newkirk sighed.

 

LeBeau groaned in return, “Oui, all we would need is for the Crittendon Commandoes to show up!”

 

“I guess that would certainly be quite the sticky wicket, huh Newkirk?” Carter offered sarcastically.

 

Newkirk only sighed while the rest of the men all chuckled.  

 

“Okay, so now onto other matters.  We’ve an evening of Generals coming up next week. How is Cuisine a’ la Stalag 13 coming along?” Hogan asked.

 

“I already have the menu planned.  The big dish will have those General’s eating out of my hands,” LeBeau replied confidently.

 

“So, is that how we are to win friends and influence Nazis… with stuffed mushrooms?” Hogan asked.

 

“Oui,” LeBeau assured. “Food is always a way to make good friends. Please Mon Colonel, you can’t tell me that that Newark NJ Pizza Parlor recipe didn’t return an enormous amount of information from Major Bonacelli? 

 

“Pretty soon,” Newkirk offered before Hogan could respond. “We will be able to go into business for ourselves, as black market caterers. I can see it know, we’ll be known as Hogan’s Hofbrau and Catering Service.”

 

“Hogan’s Hofbrau?” Hogan asked.

 

“Certainly, we can’t leave out our winemakers,” Newkirk replied. “This way we cover all the bases.”

 

There was some general laugher, which was cut short when they all heard the alarm and the dogs being released.  As one they all rushed outside, only to watch as Shultz hurried across the prison yard toward the Kommandant’s office.

 

“Herr Kommandant, Herr Kommandant,” Shultz said as soon as Klink appeared on his office stairs.

 

“What is it Shultz?” demanded Klink.

 

“A patrol found an empty parachute in the woods,” Shultz reported.

 

“A parachute,” Hogan said.  “Newkirk, LeBeau. Go and see if you can find whoever lost that parachute before Klink’s commandos do.  Someone must have had to bail from last night’s bombing raid without us knowing, and is now, most certainly, a reluctant target. Just be careful though.”

 

“Yes sir,” the two men agreed and hurriedly made for the tunnels. 

 

It took almost an hour for Newkirk and LeBeau to track down that reluctant target…

 

But soon both men were skillfully guiding the downed airman around the last of Klink’s patrols.

 

“You’re definitely experts at this,” the injured airman noted softly, relieved that his cold, wet, and painful night of hiding was over.

 

“This is our swing shift job. In our spare time we’re prisoners of war,” LeBeau replied softly.  “We pretty much know all the places an airman can hide in the woods surrounding Stalag 13. It’s just a good thing that the Krauts haven’t figured them all out yet!” LeBeau offered with a sly smile.  “Easy now, just over this hill is our destination,” LeBeau continued, helping the airmen down that hill, while carefully trying to avoid touching the man’s injured right arm.

 

Once all three men made it down the slope…

 

Newkirk indicated a tree stump and said, “Take ‘im down, mate. I’ll take care of our tracks.”

 

“Oui,” LeBeau replied lifting the cover to the tree stump.

 

The stunned airman just stared at the opening in amazement.

 

LeBeau got on the ladder first and motioned the flyer over the edge.  LeBeau and the airman then took one step at a time, with LeBeau supporting the man’s back, just in case of any misstep, especially since the man was injured. When they were both down safely LeBeau led the way towards the central hub of the tunnel system.  

 

Wilson was already there when they arrived, and quickly made an assessment of his newest patient, while LeBeau poured the airman a cup of coffee. “You’ll be okay Sergeant, looks like you just sprained your shoulder. It’ll just have to be wrapped up for a few days. The best medical advice I can give you is to drink that coffee, get some dry clothes, and then get some rest.” 

 

“Thanks, Sergeant.”

 

Colonel Hogan arrived to check on their newest guest just a short time later… 

 

“Mon Colonel this is Sergeant Bill Turner. His bomber took a bad hit during last night’s raid. He’s pretty sure he’s the only one that made it out of the bomber before it blew,” LeBeau reported, and then added softly. “We searched sir, and found no other indication that anyone but the Sergeant was on the ground.” 

 

Hogan nodded at LeBeau’s report and then turned to the airman. “I’m sorry about that Sergeant. I know how tough that can be,” Hogan offered. “But you’re in good hands here. Don’t worry.”

 

“Yes, sir. I know. Ending up in Papa Bear’s den is something every flyer hopes happens if they’re going to have to bail,” the Sergeant offered. “Thank you sir.”

 

Hogan again only nodded. 

 

LeBeau jumped in when he realized the Colonel had nothing else to say, and knowing that their Papa Bear had a hard time accepting the personal ‘thank yous’ when he thought all he was just doing his job. “Colonel the Sergeant was just telling us quite a ‘moving story’, directed right at the 43rd bomber squadron, from Axis Annie.”

 

“Really?” Hogan asked interested, as the German propaganda Fraulein had indeed been a thorn in their sides recently.

 

Turner grinned at the memory, “Yeah, she made a big broadcast last week. Went on and on about how benevolent the Germans are and how she knew that the boys of the 43rd could only serve in one army at a time, but that we should all consider joining the victorious Fatherland and putting on a German uniform.”

 

“Typical,” Hogan said snidely.

 

“But what was even more funny Colonel, was that she was trying to convince us how the Gestapo was close to catching Papa Bear,” continued Turner with an even bigger smile. “And that all our flyers will no longer have a way out of Germany.”

 

“Well,” LeBeau interjected. “You can assure the guys back home that that it’s not true!”

 

“Sorry LeBeau,” Hogan interrupted. “No you can’t Sergeant, our work here is classified.”

 

“I understand Colonel. We all thought she was pretty much full of shit anyway,” Turner continued. “There was a whole lot of joking going on in the mess hall afterwards. A lot of the guys were teasing, wondering when will the blue baron strike again, knowing the Germans don’t have a flyer, like him, working for them in this war. The guys even wanted the Allies to take a picture of a grizzly bear dressed up to be Papa Bear’s great impersonation of Himmler, and then send it to the Gestapo… with love.” Turner wanted to laugh, but could only shake his head sadly, after realizing that a number of the men he had been joking with, weren’t going to be there when he got home. “No one really takes these broadcasts seriously,” he continued quietly. 

 

“That’s good to know airman,” Hogan said to comfort having seen the man’s demeanor change as he told the story.  “So, how are you doing?”

 

Turner shrugged.  “Well when our bomber had to dropout of formation… my life certainly got a lot more complicated, but then your boys appeared out of nowhere, just like knights in shining armor, and things have certainly gotten a lot better since sir.”

 

“Good, well get some rest Sergeant.  We’ll be moving you out in a day or so,” Hogan advised.

 

“Thank you sir.”

 

Later the same day…

 

Colonel Hogan’s head was spinning as he sat at his desk thinking about all that had to be accomplished in the next week. Operation Hannibal, Operation Tiger, Operation Briefcase, and now having to move a downed flyer as well as the five escaping POWs who already arrived with the required reservations, and who were now also taking up room in the tunnels below Stalag 13. Not to mention any of the other POWs that were scheduled to show up in the next few days. And on top of that, all the work the men are doing to get the camp ready for the top-secret ‘rocket’ meeting and the fancy party that Klink’s organizing for all those Generals, and their wives… and in some cases… their mistresses. 

 

What’s worse is that this party comes less than two weeks after that huge costume party for General Burkhaulter’s 50th birthday! Although, I shouldn’t complain, because without this party… neither Operation Tiger nor Operation Briefcase would have a chance of succeeding.  It’s just that things have been getting so busy lately, that I’m surprised the men haven’t mutinied.  “Ha. Anchors aweigh, men of Stalag 13!” Hogan said out loud with a guilty smirk and then shook his head in embarrassment at himself. 

 

The Colonel had tried not to get caught up in all the silly ‘pirate’ talk that had been making the rounds of the camp since Newkirk’s dream on Halloween. Word of the dream… about the men all being pirates, who escaped from Stalag 13 to take over a pirate ship, and who were headed toward Australia, only to be thwarted in the attempt by a giant platypus… spread like wild fire through the camp. Poor Newkirk was so embarrassed when the other men found out. But honestly it’s been a good morale booster. I’ve seen an awful lot of smiling faces… and over something so silly!  It’s been great to see.

 

And even Newkirk has taken to his new celebrity status.  So, all in all, it hasn’t been a bad thing.

 

Arr me hardies.  Yo ho!

 

“Okay Hogan, enough goofing off, back to work,” he ordered of himself, but before he could even take a breath, Hogan heard the warning knock on his door that told him Klink was heading in the direction of barracks two.  The Colonel looked around for anything incriminating, and when he was satisfied that nothing was visible, he hopped up on the top bunk in his quarters, laid back, and after not being able to find his stolen copy of Mein Kampf, began flipping through his copy of the Rules of the Geneva Convention. “Damn, I wonder who stole my stolen copy of Mein Kampf?” he asked himself, knowing that having that book always made a good impression with Klink. Well I’ll find it later I guess. 

 

At that very moment, Sergeant Shultz pushed open the Colonel’s door and yelled, “Achtung!”

 

Kommandant Klink swaggered in the door right on Shultz’s heels, stopped short, and stared up at the American Colonel, who for his part remained unflustered by the sudden intrusion.

 

“How’s the weather Kommandant, Shultz?” Hogan asked both men casually as he calmly descended from his top bunk to stand in front of the German Colonel.

 

“I have no time for small talk Hogan,” Klink said forcibly, as he shook off the snowflakes that had come to rest on his topcoat as he crossed the compound from his office. “I need to talk to you about something important.” Turning quickly to his Sergeant, he ordered. “Dismissed Shultz!”

 

Silence reigned until Shultz had closed the door behind him.

 

“Okay Kommandant. What can I do for you?” Hogan asked helpfully.

 

“I’ve just now received a request from General Burkhaulter. His wife Berta, and his sister Gertrude, will be accompanying him to the party next week. Both woman want only to wear ‘Gowns by Yvette’. I am to have them made. Both women will be in town tomorrow for fittings. Your Corporal LeBeau will have to make these women their dresses,” Klink almost ordered and then realized he was asking for something that Hogan’s men had the right to refuse to do. “Please Hogan. I need to make a good impression.”

 

“Next you’ll be asking for six dance lessons from Madame LaGrange for them too,” Hogan said snidely. “Come on Kommandant, LeBeau has to get all the food ready for the party, he doesn’t have time to make the dresses too.”

 

“The Englander Newkirk helped your LeBeau with that wedding dress for General Burkhaulter’s niece. He can do all the work. LeBeau just has to do the fitting,” Klink supplied anxiously. “It’s important Hogan. I don’t need to end up on the General’s bad side in this.” Klink paused realizing that he was close to begging for help and decided to change tactics. “I can make it worth your while Hogan.”

 

Hogan smirked, “So the General must have offered you a new posting. Somewhere cold I bet?”

 

“Hogan, I…” Klink began but was cut of by Colonel Hogan’s headshake.

 

“Okay, okay. So it’s get the fitting, or go fight,” Hogan offered. “I understand Kommandant. I’ll have LeBeau and Newkirk ready in the morning. But as to your offer… the men want to put on their musical, ‘Hello Zolle’. You know the one you refused to let them put on. I want your permission to have it reinstated.”

 

“Hogan,” Klink started angry. “Your men have written a musical that makes fun of the German government. I can’t have that done here.” Shaking his head Klink said, “I’d be shot as a traitor.”

 

“In that case, we could always rename it. How about the ‘Kommandant dies at dawn’?” Hogan started sarcastically. “Or maybe ‘Will the real Colonel Klink please stand up against the wall?”

 

“Hogan,” Klink sighed.

 

“Alright Kommandant. I’m sorry,” Hogan offered. “If I have them change the tone, will you allow it?”

 

“Yes, certainly,” Klink sighed.  “It’s a deal then Colonel. There will be a car ready to take LeBeau and Newkirk into town at 9:00am tomorrow.”

 

“They’ll be ready Kommandant,” Hogan replied.

 

“Good,” replied Klink, who then quickly made his getaway from the American Colonel’s presence. 

 

Hogan gave the German Colonel enough time to leave and made his way slowly into the main barracks, knowing that he was going to have to break the news to LeBeau and Newkirk. But at least Matthews and his guys can put on that play. Well not quite the play they wanted, but no one had ever expected that version to fly anyway. But it was good for a laugh. I can’t be more proud of these guys, even in the midst of all the unpleasant things I make them do, they all continue to work hard at keeping morale up here.

 

“See. You learned a good lesson today Carter,” Newkirk offered, just as Hogan made his way to the center table of the main barracks. “Never play cards with strangers,” Newkirk instructed as he made a big sweeping motion with his arms to take the pot of candy bars from the middle of the table.

 

“But you are not a stranger Newkirk,” Carter said dejectedly.

 

“Yeah, that’s true Andrew,” Newkirk responded. “But if as a friend… I can beat you soundly. Can you imagine what a stranger might do,” he smirked at his young friend.

 

“Oh wow, thanks Newkirk. I’ll remember that,” Carter offered with an innocence that made Newkirk split the pile of candy bars with him.

 

“Sorry guys,” the Colonel began. “I hate to interrupt. But… LeBeau, Newkirk, you both need to be ready for 9:00am tomorrow. Klink just told me that Burkhaulter’s wife and sister want you to make them gowns for next week’s party. I guess you impressed them the last time Yvette,” Hogan offered with a pat on LeBeau’s shoulder. 

 

“But mon Colonel…” LeBeau started, but stopped as the officer held up his hand. 

 

“I know Louis,” Hogan assured. “You have a lot to do already, that’s why Newkirk has to take the brunt of this job.” The Colonel glanced sideways at his English Corporal. “But both ladies are expecting Yvette to be there for their fittings.”

 

“So,” Newkirk offered. “Klink is trying to impress his old flame. And all I end up with is blisters!”

 

“Actually Newkirk,” Hogan replied. “I’m not sure I’d consider Gertrude Linkmeyer Klink’s old flame… it’s actually Burkhaulter who’s turned up the heat this time. And if the flame grows any higher with Klink not getting these dresses made, our own Casanova Klink will be on his way to the Russian Front… without love. And we all know that we can’t afford that to happen.”

 

“For sure Guvn’r,” Newkirk offered his commanding officer with a glance at his French counterpart. “We’ll be ready.”

 

“Great,” Hogan replied. “Although, the news is not all bad guys. Carter can you let Matthews know that the musical is back on, only it’s has to be the ‘backup’ musical. ‘Hello Zolle’ just ain’t gonna fly with Klink.”

 

“Yes sir,” Carter replied and got up to leave the barracks to tell Matthews, but was almost bowled over by Kommandant Klink’s return to barracks two. He fell back against the lockers with an ‘excuse me sir’ as Kink barged passed him. Boy Klink is like a bomb with a short fuse lately. Geez!

 

“Hogan,” Klink said still very anxious. “That Russian woman, Marya, is coming next week too. I need you to give another birthday party, Hogan. Marya will be accompanying Field Marshall Adolf Klingensmith and she wants a birthday cake at the party. It has to say ‘Happy Birthday Adolf’ on it.”

 

Hogan just sighed, not having enough energy to come up with another wiseass comment. “Of course Kommandant.”

 

“Good. Good,” Klink said distracted as if he was trying to remember something. “Oh Hogan, have your men fixed the springs on the door hinges of the guard’s mess hall yet?”

 

“My men finished that for General Burkhaulter’s birthday party Kommandant,” Hogan said with an exhaustive sigh. “All the maintenance on the mess hall building is done.” Including the installation of all those wiretaps.

 

“Good. Just as I expected,” Klink said and left the barracks without another comment.

 

Hogan just sighed again, and rubbed his forehead. “Is there a doctor in the house? I’m getting a whopper of a headache,” he complained and then returned to his quarters in quiet contemplation. Lord help me. What is Marya coming here for? I’m always afraid she’ll spell dooms-day for us here at Stalag 13. She has always caused too much commotion and now with everything else happening at the same time… Oof.

 

Well hell… Now I really do have a headache. Where is Wilson when you need him?

 

As Colonel Hogan went to throw himself on the top bunk in an attempt to lie down and stop his headache, he remembered that he had no time now to take a break. Glancing at his watch, he remembered his meeting regarding Operation Tiger, with Tiger, one of their underground contacts. The Colonel caught himself before he sighed though, as meeting with Tiger had always been a bright spot for him in his time here. Early on, Hogan had felt himself falling for the very attractive, very feisty, young French woman who also doubled as a major player in the underground. But he had always known deep down that their relationship, what there was of it, existed only because of the war. Neither of them had ever expected more than a comforting friendship to help make the long war seem bearable. And even at that, Hogan thought, we only see each other in the midst of some crisis or other. Not actually all that conducive to a lasting relationship.

 

As he turned from his bunk and headed for his locker, he heard a knock on his door, and Kinch’s voice announce, ‘Tiger’s here Colonel.’

 

“On my way Kinch,” Hogan offered, quickly retrieving some aftershave from his locker, for he always wanted to make a good impression with Tiger. 

 

And then after making his way down into the tunnels below Barracks Two…

 

Colonel Hogan came up behind one of his escaping POWs just as young man was trying to make, what seemed at this point anyway, a fairly innocent pass at Tiger, who Kinch had left by herself in the tunnels to come get him. ‘What’s a beautiful lady like yourself, doing in a place like this?’ Hogan heard the POW ask Tiger. 

 

Hogan coughed loudly from right behind the young American Sergeant, and said in no uncertain terms, “That’s no lady Sergeant, that’s my spy, my meister spy!”

 

The Sergeant jumped back about three feet to get out of the Colonel’s way and started babbling… “I’m sorry sir! I meant nothing by it sir! It’s just been a long time sir! It’s…”

 

“You better stop while you’re ahead Sergeant!” Hogan ordered loudly. “And remember that all the people you meet here, are the people that are trying to save your ass.  Make sure you treat them with respect. Is that understood Mister?”

 

“Yes. Of course Colonel,” the Sergeant said still a little panicked. “I’m sorry sir.”

 

“Good. Now make yourself scarce Sergeant,” Hogan demanded. “I have business with my contact.”

 

Hogan watched as the young Sergeant quickly made his way down a tunnel extension. When the man disappeared, he turned back to Tiger and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “I’m real sorry about that Tiger.”

 

“Don’t worry Colonel,” Tiger offered. “I can handle myself. It’s not as if I haven’t had to deal with many a lonely soldier during this war.” Her eyes sparkled. And one in particular, she thought as she gave Hogan a quick kiss on the cheek and added, “Thank you for your concern though.”

 

Hogan’s own eyes betrayed his fondness for Tiger, even as he said, “Yeah well. Ahhm. You’re welcome.” Backing away quickly from Tiger, he took a deep breath, and then continued all business, “So do you have the information about the scientist we are to make contact with? You said you know him personally. Are you sure we can trust him?”

 

“Are you saying now, that you do not trust my judgment?” Tiger asked getting her back up, but just as quickly calmed down when she saw the anger flare in Hogan’s eyes. “I’m sorry. Yes I know how vulnerable you and your men are here,” she answered his angry gaze before he could say anything. “I’m certain you can trust him Colonel. He’s my uncle and he is a loyal Frenchman. He got caught up in a power struggle with his fellow scientists, who have betrayed France and now work for the Nazis. He has gone along with them, to save his own life, but also knowing what they were working on could be devastating to the world. He has chosen now to make his move, as clearly this opportunity presented itself. But he told me that he is worried that his fellow scientists are getting close to creating the ultimate weapon… an atomic bomb.” 

 

“Okay, so if he’s an invited guest at this meeting next week,” Hogan offered, “we have to assume then that this meeting will be centered more around the atomic bomb than what we were originally told. Though it seems that too many people will be in attendance. You would think they’d keep it more quiet.”

 

“Actually Colonel,” Tiger replied. “My uncle was only invited for his other, more benign research, with rocket fuels. He has chosen on his own to offer the Allies the sample he’s bringing with him.”

 

Okay that makes more sense with what we’ve heard about this meeting… it’s supposed to only be a day of Rockets and Romance. Or what was is that Newkirk called it? Oh yeah… Top Hat, White Tie, and Bomb Sight. “Ah, you did say the sample he’s bringing with him is heavy water, right?” Hogan asked quickly after realizing he had gotten a little distracted.

 

“Yes, he was able to procure the sample from his fellow scientists. And he assured me that it is stable unless combined with the other necessary chemicals,” Tiger assured. “But he still would prefer caution when handling it.”

 

“Okay,” Hogan agreed, with a small smirk, relieved that he didn’t have to rethink his whole plan for this already complicated scenario. “You can assure him that we’ll go light on the heavy water.”

 

Tiger shook her head, not willing to fall for Hogan’s feeble attempt at humor. “I’ll assure him that you have promised to handle the sample with care.” 

 

Hogan ignored Tiger’s smug reply, “You’re sure he’s willing to return to France? He doesn’t want out?”

 

“As I said Colonel, my uncle Pierre is a loyal Frenchman,” Tiger replied adamantly as if she was trying to defend her family honor. “He will go back to France and continue to do what he can to thwart the efforts of his partners or die in the attempt.”

 

“Okay. Okay.  Put a hold on the temper Tiger,” Hogan offered to ease the tension he could feel radiating from her. “I didn’t mean anything by what I said. Moving people is our job here, remember?” 

 

“Of course Colonel,” Tiger said apologetically. “It’s just that my uncle is everything to me. He raised my brother and me after our parents died.  I just worry for him.” She shook her head negatively. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have let my feelings get in the way here.”

 

“It’s fine Tiger, don’t worry,” Hogan assured approaching her and again placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.  Damn.  I don’t know what I’d do if I had to worry about my own parents living in the midst of all this. “So what’s the code phrase? How will we know him?” he asked to bring the conversation back to the job at hand.

 

“I’ve brought along a picture Colonel,” Tiger said retrieving a black and white photo from her winter jacket. As she handed the American Colonel the photo she explained, “My uncle expects his contact to use the phrase, ‘A Tiger Hunt in Paris’, as part of the recognition code. His response will be… ‘I heard from an operator at the Paris Phone Company, that Prince Carlos of Bourbon bagged that tiger.’

 

Hogan just shook his head in disbelief, “Tiger… how the hell are we supposed to work the phrase ‘A Tiger Hunt in Paris’ into regular conversation?” 

 

This time Tiger smirked, “I have no doubt Colonel Hogan, that you will find a way!” She again gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and made her escape before Hogan could even comprehend what happened.

 

Hogan just shook his head, smiled, and returned to his quarters. And somehow, he realized, that his headache had disappeared. 

 

Hammelburg, Germany, Luft Stalag 13,

Barracks Two,

November 4, 1943, 1645 Hours

 

“Carter,” Hogan said loudly as he made his way into the main barracks from his quarters. 

 

In response Carter nearly jumped out of his skin, because he had been completely consumed in writing a letter home and never heard the Colonel’s door open. As it was though, he leaped up, yelled “Ouch!” as he hit his head on the bunk overhead, dropped the paper and pen he had been holding, then fumbled to pick up the stuff he dropped and regain his balance, as well as trying to respond to his commanding officer. 

 

When he finally regained some of his composure, he looked up into the Colonel’s face sheepishly, because the Colonel had made it all the way from his quarters and was now standing quietly in from of him staring disbelievingly. “I’m sorry Colonel,” Carter offered. “I was writing a letter to my girl, Mary Jane, back home. Guess I got a little distracted. What was it you wanted sir?”

 

“No problem Andrew,” Hogan said offering a hand to the younger man’s shoulder. “I know how writing home can be. Hope everything’s okay, though. I’ve never seen you this preoccupied when you’re writing your letters home.”

 

“Everything is fine Colonel,” Carter assured, even though his heart was breaking. “Thanks for asking though.”

 

“Okay good,” Hogan replied. “I just wanted you to have someone come get me when LeBeau and Newkirk get back from that fitting in town. I promised Matthews I’d check in on how the auditions for the play were going, so I’m heading there now.”

 

“Oh, okay Colonel. Not a problem,” Carter replied and watched gratefully as his commanding officer left barracks two. He then sat back on his bunk with a desolate sigh. Picking up the pen, he finished off his letter with…

 

Please don’t forget to write!

Love Andy

 

Andrew then threw himself back on his bunk and covered his eyes with his arm, not wanting anyone to see that tears were threatening. Why haven’t you written Mary Jane? It’s been almost 6 months. Please. Please write… I miss you so.

 

And then, after making his way across the compound and entering the Recreation Hall…

 

Colonel Hogan asked, “How’s it going Matthews?” as he came up behind his ‘theatre’ manager.

 

“Hey Colonel,” Matthews replied. “Things are going great sir. The men are really excited about this play. I foresee a standing room only crowd at the door. I’ve even gotten a lot more people involved this time round. Seems we also had an influx of theatre arts majors recently.”

 

“Oh good,” Hogan smirked. “You sure, you’re not fudging those internment interviews in your favor?”

 

“Colonel Hogan!” Matthews said incredulously. “I would never do such a thing!”

 

“Okay, just make sure of that,” Hogan said with mock seriousness and then smiled and put an arm around Matthew’s shoulder. “So tell me... what’s this play all about? I have to admit that I had got caught up in the ‘Hello Zolle’ plot, and haven’t had time to read through this one.”

 

“Oh Colonel,” Matthews said excitedly. “Let me tell you all about it. It’s called Lady Chitterly’s Lover. And it’s…”

 

“Lady Chitterly’s Lover?” Hogan interrupted, as he stood back and released his hold on the Sergeant’s shoulder.  “I do seem to remember seeing something about a comedy though, on the order of… A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to London.”

 

“Well sir, that version turned out to be… not so funny. So we’re going with this musical love story, set here in Germany in the far past. It’s gonna be great,” Matthews assured. “You see Lady Chitterly is one of two diamonds in the rough per se. She was raised as a peasant in the German town of Dusseldorf, but really she’s a princess, having been sent away as a child, to keep her safe from those trying to dispose her father as king. Her lover, unbeknownst to either one, is supposedly her illegitimate brother, given away as a child in disgrace by her father the king. But you see, he’s not really her brother…” 

 

Matthews paused when he saw the Colonel’s eyes start to glaze over. “Well anyway Colonel it’s all about their relationship and how they find out the truth of that relationship, and how both find their place in the world… And well ah, they live happy ever after… the end.”

 

“So Matthews, promise to remember us little people when you go Hollywood after the war, especially one Robert Hogan, okay?” the Colonel asked with a smirk. “With that imagination, you’ll go far in the movies, and I may need a job when this war’s over.”

 

“Ah thanks Colonel,” Matthews replied with a laugh. “You know, Shultz asked me almost the same thing… after I told him he had a starring role in our next production, ‘Sergeant Shultz meets Mata Hari’. But honestly, even though lots of people say that movies are your best escape… I’m a movie snob. You’ll only find me in New York, on the Broadway stage, or more likely behind the Broadway stage.”

 

“Well, I expect to see your name in lights somewhere Sergeant,” Hogan offered.

 

“Thank you sir,” Matthews said a little embarrassed.

 

“Okay, so let me take my leave of you. It certainly appears that you have this situation well in hand,” Hogan said with good-natured approval. “I’ll be looking forward to the first performance.”

                                                            

“Actually Colonel, I did have a few things I could use your help with,” Matthews said with a small question in his voice.

 

“Shoot,” Hogan said.

 

“Well Colonel,” Matthews started. “Doug Peterson and Ed Marcantonio have written a few songs for the play. One is called ‘Drums along the Dusseldorf’ and we could really use a drum soloist for that piece. And ah, well Colonel, the men know you play. They’ve asked me to ask you if you’d play the drums for that piece.”

 

“Ah, I don’t know Sergeant,” Hogan hedged. “I’m not really that good. It’s probably more important to get other POWs involved, you know for morale and everything. You don’t need me interfering.”

 

“Come on Colonel Hogan, this is art for the men’s sake,” Matthews stated. “And it would be great for the men to see you involved sir. Plus I’ve heard you play. You are very good Colonel. Really.”

 

Hogan sighed and then smiled because he actually did love playing the drums. He always had a secret dream to play drums as part of a big band orchestra with the likes of Tommy Dorsey or Glen Miller. But life, as it does sometimes, got in the way. “You’ve got your drummer Matthews, what do I need to do?”

 

“Thank you sir! I have the music right here sir,” Matthews said as he leaned over to pick up paper from the chair next to him and handed it to Colonel Hogan. “Then it’s just costuming sir,” Matthews explained. “I’ll have Corporal Kilkenny come by later and take measurements. Okay?”

 

“Whoa Matthews. I draw the line at costumes. There is no way I’ll be getting into something outlandish. I look better in basic black,” the Colonel offered, “or brown as the case may be,” he continued with a sigh glancing down at the brown ‘winter’ bomber jacket that he was now wearing. Hogan fell silent then, not wanting to mention his fondness for his original black bomber jacket, because everyone in camp knew why that jacket, which was his favorite, was now only good enough for more milder weather. And everyone had also agreed, that that incident, was best left… as a part of the past.

 

“Right, of course sir. Basic black… or brown… it is sir,” Matthew assured quickly. Definitely black… most definitely black.

 

“Good, anything else?” Hogan asked skeptically.

 

“Just a couple things…” Matthews offered. “We could use Kommandant Klink to play a reverend like he did in that Frenchman Boucher’s wedding. The men thought he was hysterical.”

 

“I don’t know Matthews…” Hogan began.

 

“We have an idea sir…” Matthews said cutting off his commanding officer. “We actually have a place for a violin soloist too. Well sort of. We want offer it to Klink. It could be billed as Klink’s master piece sir, but when he begins to play, we’ll cut him off with Wagner’s Flight of the Valkyrie. Or is it just called ‘The Valkyrie’?” Matthew posed to himself distracted, and then continued shaking his head, “anyway the name doesn’t matter. No one will hear Klink’s wretched playing and the men can get a good laugh out of it. What do you think sir??? Huh?”

 

I think I’m a bad influence on these guys. They are starting to think up schemes on their own. Shaking his head Hogan admitted, “You’re beginning to think too much like me.”

 

“I was going to add that we could promise Klink that we’d tape his version of the new song and that with the help of Newkirk’s uncle, the record producer, back in London… it’s was going to be a big hit record for him,” Matthew laughed. “But I thought that maybe that was pushing it a bit too far.”

 

“I’ll see what I can do Matthews,” Hogan laughed. “And we will be skipping that last part. Anything else?”

 

“Just one more thing Colonel Hogan, we need to get more oil for the lamps to set the right mood lighting for the romantic scenes,” Matthews explained. “I’m pretty sure it can be bought at any local grocer sir. Do you think the Kommandant will get it for us?”

 

“Like I said Matthews,” Hogan said tiredly. “I’ll do the best I can.”

 

“Thank you sir.”

 

Hogan nodded at his theatre manager, and headed immediately out of the recreation hall and across the compound – his first thought – to butter up Klink. Although, Hogan really wasn’t sure what was up with the Kommandant, because the man had returned from town earlier than expected. Hogan had thought Klink would have returned with Newkirk and LeBeau. And what’s even more strange… is that since then, Klink’s been holed up in his living room, not taking visitors. Hmm, maybe I should just hold off and see what Newkirk and LeBeau know. No sense pushing.

 

Fortunately Colonel Hogan’s decision about what to do was made easier…

 

“LeBeau and Newkirk are back sir,” Private Walters hollered as he ran to catch up with the Colonel.

 

“Thanks Walters,” Hogan said immediately changing his direction, because regardless of Klink’s mood, Hogan knew he still had plenty of time to get Klink involved in the play. The first scheduled performance wasn’t for three weeks.

 

“So…” Hogan began as he entered barracks two, only to be cut off by two very excited men.

 

“Oh Colonel,” Newkirk said as he rushed to Hogan’s side. “You should have been there!”

 

“Oui,” LeBeau agreed, as he too rushed over to where the Colonel was standing by the door. “It was incredible!”

 

“Okay, whoa!” Hogan yelled holding up his hands almost in surrender. “One at time. Please?”

 

“Sorry,” both men said together, and then fell silent. After a couple of beats with nothing being said, Hogan ordered, “Someone start. LeBeau?”

 

“Yes sir. Sorry,” LeBeau began. “It seems that Frau Linkmeyer…”

 

“The merry widow,” interjected Newkirk snidely.

 

LeBeau and Hogan both shot Newkirk a look. Newkirk only shrugged.

 

“It seems Frau Linkmeyer has herself a new beau,” LeBeau continued.

 

“Although,” Newkirk interjected again, “I don’t think she likes him very much.”

 

“I said one at a time Newkirk,” Hogan repeated a little heatedly. “LeBeau?”

 

“Well Colonel, he showed up just as the Kommandant was escorting Gertrude Linkmeyer from her hotel room to the fitting room,” LeBeau explained and waited to see if Newkirk was going to interrupt again. When nothing happened he continued. “Whew, I thought there was going to be a fight. Klink, of course wanted nothing to do with it.”

 

“But I could almost see the white gloves come out,” Newkirk interjected. “A good old-fashion duel for Frau Linkmeyer’s honor.” Newkirk looked into the Colonel’s eyes. “Sorry Colonel.”

 

Hogan returned his gaze to LeBeau, “Who is this guy?”

 

“All I got was what everyone was speculating… that it was General Burkaulter’s brother-in-law. His wife’s brother Hermann,” LeBeau explained.

 

“So what happened?” Hogan asked. “Klink showed up back here and locked himself in his living room.”

 

“That fat bastard, General Burkhaulter, broke up the confrontation before anything happened and told Hermann to go home,” Newkirk said like he had lost his only brother. “I would have loved to see the fight.”

 

“You didn’t get involved did you?” Hogan asked anxiously.

 

“No Colonel,” Newkirk offered. “LeBeau, me, and another little old lady that came with Frauen Linkmeyer and Burkhaulter, just stood as far away as possible from the foursome.”

 

“Yeah,” LeBeau continued. “Hermann did leave, and Colonel Klink turned up missing. We weren’t sure where he might have gone, but we never saw him again. So Klink must have made his escape early.”

 

“Oh,” Hogan supposed. “I had hoped when you said that Gertrude had a new beau, that we didn’t have to deal with Cupid coming to Stalag 13… again. But you said Frau Linkmeyer didn’t like this Hermann?”

 

“No mon Colonel,” LeBeau replied. “Her heart still belongs to Klink, I’m pretty sure.”

 

Poor bastard. “Okay thanks,” Hogan offered. “You guys think you can get the dresses made in time?”

 

“We should be all set Colonel,” Newkirk assured.

 

“Good,” Hogan said quietly, sighed, and returned to his quarters. Sometimes it feels like we never catch a break. I could so enjoy not having to deal with Gertrude Linkmeyer in heat along with everything else.

 

Late into the same evening…

 

“Everyone, lights out in five minutes,” Shultz announced entering barracks two, brushing snow from his shoulders.

 

“Hey, look at all the pretty snowflakes. Shultz you look like a snowman,” Carter said with a grin.

 

“Jolly joker,” Shultz muttered.

 

“What’s the matter Shultzie?” LeBeau asked. “Everyone loves a snowman. Why back in France all the boys and girls would make the most beautiful...”

 

“We are not in France, and it is time for lights out,” Shultz replied grumpily and sidled up to the cheerfully glowing stove and stuck his hands closer to the warmth rubbing briskly.  “Ahh.”

 

“What’s up Shultz?” Hogan asked coming into the room for another cup of coffee.

 

“Lights out Colonel Hogan,” Shultz replied.  “And no monkey business!”

 

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Hogan replied. “It’s too cold out there to think of monkey business!”

 

“Ja ja,” Shultz agreed, nearly purring in the heat of the stove.

 

“Hey look, happiness is a warm Sergeant!” LeBeau commented.

 

“How goes the search for the missing airman?” Hogan asked, handing Shultz a cup of coffee.

 

“The Gestapo have taken over the search.  They have dogs out searching the woods,” Shultz replied, taking a big sip of coffee.

 

“A man’s best friend is not his dog!” Olsen replied sarcastically. Most especially if that dog belongs to the Gestapo.

 

“We could have told them that the Schultz brigade would have found that missing man easily,” Hogan said with a smile and a pat on the fat Sergeant’s arm.

 

“Shh Colonel Hogan, you should not even joke of such a thing!” Shultz replied nervously remembering all too well exactly what the Schultz brigade was supposed to be.  “If a thing like that got around you would be seeing the rise and fall of Sergeant Schultz!”

 

“The bigger they are the softer they fall,” Newkirk quipped.

 

Hogan glared at Newkirk and said, “I know Shultz. We promise. Our lips are sealed, right fellas?”

 

“Right!” the roomful of men assured him.

 

Shultz looked from earnest face to earnest face and sighed.  These men are such jolly jokers!  “Cockroach, the Kommandant wanted me to tell you that there are two more coming to the party.”

 

“More!” LeBeau exclaimed.  “There isn’t enough food in all of Germany to feed so many people.”

 

“It is my expert opinion that you will create the most amazing of culinary delights, of which I will bravely test before it is served to the Fatherland’s most glorious leaders,” Shultz replied, still savoring the coffee.

 

“Yeah, that from our Sergeant the analyst,” LeBeau said sourly.  “And what will the other guests be eating after you’ve tested everything?”

 

“Jolly joker,” Shultz replied, quickly finishing the coffee and making his way back towards the exit.  “Now it’s lights out everyone!  Bed, bed, bed!” he yelled and closed the barracks door behind him.

 

“What do you think Colonel?” Newkirk asked Hogan after peeking out the door and making sure Shultz was out of earshot.  “Do you know who the extra people are?”

 

“No can’t say that I do. I’ll put out some feelers tomorrow, but at least we know one thing,” Hogan replied draining his own cup of coffee.

 

“What’s that?” Carter asked.

 

“At last, Shultz knows something… how to eat!” Hogan replied with a grin.

 

Hammelburg, Germany, Luft Stalag 13,

Kommandant’s Office,

November 5, 1943, 0845 Hours

 

Colonel Hogan was summoned to Kommandant Klink’s office. For what… he wasn’t sure, as too many things were going on all at once. “You wanted to see me Colonel?” Hogan asked, offering a quick salute and making his way to the chair in front of the Kommandant’s desk.

 

“Yes Hogan,” Klink began, not looking at his Senior POW Officer. “I’ve decided not to move that tower over by the well. In going over regulations that tower is exactly where it should be. So I’ll just be doubling the guards and adding dogs to the area in question.” 

 

Damn. “If you say so sir,” Hogan said by rote because his mind had already begun racing. Okay. That’s okay. I only wanted it moved for Carter anyway. The kid just loves to watch things blow up. It’s not really necessary to the real mission, which is just to take out that train.  Plus I haven’t figured out how to distract the guard yet anyway.  So I’ll let Klink win here.

 

“Nothing else to say Hogan,” Klink said snidely, as he glanced up into the American’s eyes. “Be assured Colonel, there is still no way out for you or your men. I’ll be watching you closely.” 

 

Hogan feigned irritation and sighed, “Was that all you wanted Colonel, to continue to twist that knife in my back. The men are going lose faith in me if this keeps up.”

 

Klink offered Hogan a self-righteous smirk. “No Hogan. I also wanted to say that your men have done an admirable job in cleaning the camp, and getting everything ready for next week’s visitors. In your time here, you and your men have made this camp an important place in Berlin’s eyes. I now find myself in the envious position of being in charge of what Berlin considers one of the most secure places in Germany. Even General Burkhaulter has assured me that Stalag 13 will continue to be used for more important meetings, and other such proceedings, of major importance to the Third Reich.”

 

Klink stood and walked around to lean on his desk in front of Hogan. “That is, as long as you and your men continue to prove your inability to escape from here,” Klink continued with the haughtiest of demeanors. “Thank you Hogan, I am now assured a favorable future with those in Berlin.”

 

Yes, it’s everything we’ve worked for! “Well halleluiah,” Hogan began feigning despair. “Praise the Fuhrer and pass the ammunition. You might as well just shoot me know Colonel. I’m as good as dead if the Allies find out that that I’ve aided the German War Effort.”

 

“I, Kommandant Wilhelm Klink,” the German began with the most pompous of grins, “can always offer a good word in your defense Colonel when this war’s over for all that you’ve done to support the Third Reich to victory.”

 

Hogan said nothing at first. Okay Hogan… control yourself and be careful what you say, because you’ve chosen this double life. Keeping this balance has been hard, and you know it’s only gonna get harder.  But before the American Colonel got the chance to respond, someone knocked on the office door interrupting Klink’s smug fest.

 

“Come,” Klink said quickly and moved back to his seat as Hilda entered the office.

 

“Kommandant Klink,” Hilda offered trying hard not to cry, and trying even harder not to look at Colonel Hogan, because she knew what she was going to say would have more impact on him than the Kommandant. “Did you hear the news sir? The Gestapo have found the man responsible for the Great Brinksmeyer Museum Robbery. It’s been the talk of the town today Colonel.  Ludwig Bieber, a janitor at Gestapo Headquarters was killed very early today trying to evade arrest. It turns out that he had been the curator of antiques at the museum for years before losing that job. All the evidence points to him being responsible. Although it seems that they haven’t yet found the Golden Eagle.”

 

Hogan sat speechless because Ludwig Bieber was his man inside Gestapo Headquarters. What the hell happened? The poor bastard… did he really steal the ridiculous statue? Why would he do that? Shit where does that leave us? Did he blow his cover? Are we finished? Hogan felt himself start to hyperventilate, but knew he couldn’t let it show. He wanted to grab Hilda and force her to tell him what happened. He had to fight the urge to jump to his feet and dash across the compound to find out what he could from the underground. And his heart was now beating so hard, that he was surprised that he didn’t have a coronary right in Klink’s office. I need to get out of here now… or we could all be as good as dead. I just hope it’s not too late already.

 

“Typical of the Gestapo,” Klink offered with an angry shake of his head to Hilda. “To kill the only man that could tell them the location of the missing statue. The Golden Eagle is a priceless artifact dating back to the reign of King Friedrich Wilhelm III in the early 1800’s. It will be a shame to lose an antique of that import.”

 

Hilda could only nod, as she didn’t want to betray herself any more than she already had.

 

“Thank you Hilda,” Klink offered after she appeared to have nothing else to say.

 

Hilda escaped the office quickly, still trying to avoid looking at Colonel Hogan.

 

And when Klink in turn seemed distracted Hogan offered, “So do you have any more salt to rub into my open wounds Kommandant? Or can I leave now?”

 

“What?” Klink asked, almost as if he just remembered Hogan was still there. “You’re dismissed Hogan,” was all he said. As the Kommandant watched Hogan leave, all the pompous German pride he had been leveling at the American disappeared, especially since he now had the awful feeling that Hochstetter and his men were responsible for the Golden Eagle still being ‘missing’. I certainly have no proof, and I certainly cannot speak of it openly. But how sad is that… that I cannot feel to trust my own countryman?

 

As Hogan entered the compound after barely acknowledging Hilda…

 

The Colonel glanced across to where his four men stood at the door of barracks two. He could feel the tension radiating from them as soon as he looked into their faces, but he had to act casual until he made his way over to them.

 

“Colonel,” Kinch said quickly. “We’ve got a big problem. Berger, Freiling, and Schlick are in the tunnels. And you won’t believe what they have with them.”

 

“Something tells me,” Hogan began with a troubled intake of breath, “an antique gold statue and some really bad news.” Hogan started to push past his men, but in seeing the surprised look on Kinch’s face he said, “I’m not psychic Kinch, Hilda just gave me a heads up when she told Klink all about it.” Hogan took another deep breath and then ordered, “Kinch you’re with me. Everyone else keep an eye out for wandering Germans.”

 

With that, Hogan headed directly for the tunnel entrance. After descending the ladder, he turned and choked on his first words when he saw the faces of the three men standing nearby, as he knew that those words were going to come out too harsh for his civilian contacts. “What happened?” was all he asked instead.

 

Heinrich Berger came forward carrying the golden statue, “Colonel please know that you and your men are safe. This incident has no connection, at all, to your operation.” Berger sighed. “Ludwig Bieber came to me last night with the Golden Eagle. He was distraught, and unsure of what to do. He admitted to me, that what he had done, was done on an impulse.”

 

Hogan was just angry. “I don’t need distraught impulsive greedy thieves in my organization! It’s bad enough that Bieber got himself killed, but he could have taken us all with him! And still could, leaving that statue in our possession.”

 

“Please Colonel,” Berger demanded. “Listen to me.  Ludwig did not steal the Golden Eagle from the museum; he retrieved it from the Gestapo. Recently, in his job as janitor, he had been noticing a lot of crates being moved into Gestapo Headquarters. And then just yesterday morning, Ludwig saw Major Hochstetter while he was making his rounds… Ludwig watched the Major remove the Golden Eagle from a crate that the Major had in his office.”

 

“So you’re telling me that Bieber then went rushing in where angels fear to tread to steal the Golden Eagle from Hochstetter,” Hogan bellowed. “For what? What good was that statue going to do him? And now we’ve lost our only contact at Gestapo Headquarters. What a selfish bastard.” Hogan paused shaking his head in anger. “He died for absolutely nothing.”

 

Berger fell silent at Hogan’s angry outburst.

 

So it was Hermann Schlick who stepped forward to face the American Colonel in his stead. “Colonel Hogan,” he started livid. “Remember that we are not soldiers, but we have willingly joined you to fight against Hitler. But as much as it is your job to eliminate the German government as it exists… know that our true desire is to save what is our heritage, as well as removing the present government so our country can return to that which we can be proud of.” Herman took a deep breath and then stated emphatically, “Ludwig died for his heritage Colonel, that is not nothing.”

 

Hogan made no response, as he was both angry and surprised at the intensity of Schlick’s own irate reply.

 

“Colonel,” Doc Freiling offered when the silence felt like it would overwhelm. “Ludwig went willingly back to work this morning, which was most certainly a miscalculation on his part, but he wanted to continue the work he was doing for you, and us. He did not take that statue merely for personal gain. Please understand Colonel… Ludwig’s entire world, before life turned on him, was as the curator of antiquities at the Brinksmeyer Museum. For him to see, that animal, Major Hochstetter greedily fondling the Golden Eagle was too much for him to bear.”

 

“Okay,” Hogan said softly. “I’m sorry. Really I am. And I’m not oblivious to the need to preserve historical and cultural artifacts, but we have to remember to work as a team. If that statue was of that much importance… you all know that I have a number of safecrackers being trained here that could have easily retrieved that statue from Hochstetter’s suite of offices. It just takes a real thief sometimes. Ludwig only died because he didn’t think it through. I can’t have that happen any more.” Hogan sighed, and then asked forcefully, “Can you all understand that?”

 

When Hogan only got silent nods in response, he continued, “Listen Gentlemen. I’m not a heartless bastard, really. I know Ludwig was a friend of yours. I’m very sorry he had to die the way he did at the hands of the Gestapo. But I have to think of the big picture here. And I need to know that I can count on you to do the same, as well as needing to know that you will pass that ideal onto all your contacts. Can I count on you to do that?”

 

There was a collective sigh, and Berger replied only after looking deeply into the eyes of his compatriots, “Yes Colonel, you can. Please understand though, and this is not an excuse… it is just sometimes hard for us to separate our daily lives, from the covert work we have committed ourselves to. We have all learned a hard lesson today, one that I can assure you, will not have to be relearned.”

 

“Good,” Hogan offered. “So that leaves us with this statue.”  Hogan went and examined the Golden Eagle that Berger still held. “It is a very beautiful piece. What is your preference here? Antiquities are not my strong suit.”

 

“Well Colonel,” Berger said quietly. “We were hoping that we could work with you and your men to retrieve the other artifacts, that Ludwig was sure, are in Hochstetter’s possession. It would make Ludwig’s sacrifice more meaningful. None of us can fathom leaving such things in the Gestapo’s possession. We would much rather have them in your possession… here at Stalag 13.”

 

“My possession?” Hogan asked in disbelief. “I just admitted that I have no knowledge of how to take care of such things.”

 

“But,” Berger said with a sly confidence, “you have continued to remind us of the diversified talents of your men. Surely someone here has the knowledge necessary?”

 

Hogan just stared at Berger for a moment, caught by his own words. Turning to Kinch with a sigh, “we’ll find someone,” was all he said. Looking back at Berger and the other two men though, Hogan continued very seriously, “I am sorry gentlemen. All I can offer you at this point is a place to store the Golden Eagle. There is no way that a raid on Gestapo Headquarters, of the magnitude you’re suggesting, will ever work. Not now anyway. Hochstetter would be turning Hammelburg on its ear to find the loot. Our operation would be over, before we could blink.”

 

“But Colonel…” all three men started at once.

 

“Not buts,” Hogan said loudly. “It’s too dangerous. Besides, more than likely Hochstetter is planning on a happy, healthy, and wealthy retirement. He won’t harm anything that could make him rich. I promise you though, that I will not let him get away with this. It may take some time, but he will not succeed, even if it comes to blowing up Gestapo Headquarters, so he can’t take any of it with him.”

 

Hogan saw panic in the three men’s eyes. “I know, I know. I’m sure most of what is there can probably only be described as priceless and irreplaceable. I can only promise to do the best I can, when the time comes, to get that stuff out of Gestapo Headquarters. Okay?”

 

There was another collective sigh, and Berger again spoke for his friends. “Your promise will only strengthen our bond Colonel. Thank you.” Berger glanced at his two companions and then back toward the American Colonel. “We should go now,” he offered and handed Colonel Hogan the Golden Eagle.

 

But before the three Germans began their retreat down the tunnel extension Hogan asked, “Gentlemen, wait. Did Ludwig Bieber have any family? Is there something I can do for them? Anything that would help?”

 

Doc Freiling was the one to answer. “What family Ludwig had, has not been a part of his life in a very long time Colonel. He once told me that he had dreaded death because he had nothing to show for his life. But know Colonel, that your offer would satisfy Ludwig, for he found new purpose in his life when we approached him to help us on your behalf. That you cared enough to ask would be enough for him.”

 

Hogan only nodded, and watched the leaders of his civilian underground leave. Those men say they learned a good lesson today, but so did I…I learned how much these men are sacrificing to do my bidding. Would I be able to live next to my neighbors and lifelong friends and work at what could easily be considered a betrayal of everyone and everything you grew up believing in?

 

Hogan finally took his eyes off the now empty tunnel extension. Turning to Kinch, he handed him the statue and ordered, “Find someone to take care of this.” Then the American Colonel retreated to his quarters, realizing that he would soon have to broach the subject – to his civilians – of finding a replacement contact for Ludwig at Gestapo Headquarters, but also knowing that he was going to let those men deal with their grief in losing a close friend first. This whole thing can certainly wait a few days.

 

Hammelburg, Germany, Luft Stalag 13,

Tunnel beneath Barrack’s Two

November 7, 1943, 0340 Hours

 

“All set?” Kinch asked as Carter and Newkirk entered the main hub of the tunnel system. 

 

“You bet Kinch!” Carter replied with a pleased grin.  “We should hear that Luftwaffe train go up this morning about 11am.”

 

“It’s still too bad that you won’t get to see it go kablooey though, huh Carter?” Newkirk interjected.

 

“It’s okay. I still can’t believe the Colonel was going to all that trouble… just for me,” Carter offered amazed.

 

“Well the Colonel works hard at keeping up morale here, you know that,” Kinch offered in support of their commanding officer. “You guys have any trouble tonight?” Kinch inquired while the two men changed out of their black clothing, suspecting that the answer was no, as both men were quite relaxed.

 

“Not a thing,” Newkirk said, pulling his sweater over his head.  “But it was dark, cold, and lonely out there tonight. We didn’t even see as much as a squirrel.”

 

“That’s good,” Kinch approved. “Now, go on up topside. I know the Colonel’s waiting for you both. Make sure you check in with him. Then get some shut-eye before roll call.”

 

“You got it Kinch. What about you?” Carter asked pausing with his foot on the bottom rung of the ladder.

 

“I’m waiting for a message from London.  I’ll be up in a bit,” Kinch replied.

 

Just a short time later…

 

“This just in Colonel,” Kinch offered after opening Colonel Hogan’s door. “It’s the response we’ve been waiting for.”

 

“Finally,” Hogan sighed as he stirred from a sleepless night’s rest. They’d been waiting almost a week for the go ahead for Operation Briefcase. Not to mention waiting for information on the two additional attendees to the meeting that Shultz had told them about just the other day. “Go ahead Kinch.”

 

“Well… Operation Briefcase is a go. A General Albert Dittmer aka ‘The Collector General’ will be our defector. He’s offered to supply the Allies with the locations of several important rocket plants and suspected bombsights.”

 

“Why is he called ‘the Collector General’?” Hogan asked

 

“That’s part of the reason he’s defecting. He’s become known for his ability to collect all types of expensive trinkets during his tour for duty. It seems though, that his sticky fingers have put him in bad favor with many in Berlin.  So he wants out, before he’s put out of commission permanently.”

 

“So, is he gonna take any of these expensive trinkets with him?” Hogan wondered out loud.

 

“No sir,” Kinch replied. “Seems he feels his life is more important, but as a failsafe against any Allied betrayal… he’s hidden anything he’s ‘collected’, and will only disclose their location to the Allies after he arrives in London.”

 

“Figures,” Hogan sighed. “Okay. So what are the code phrases we’re to use in contacting Dittmer?”

 

“We are supposed to approach the General and ask, ‘What time does the balloon go up?’” Kinch smirked. “Dittmer’s reply will be ‘As soon as we know when the Kamikazes are coming’.”

 

Hogan just shook his head in apprehension and disbelief, “You would think that London could come up with code phrases that make more sense huh? But I guess that’s wishful thinking after all this time.” After another sigh he asked, “So what’s the good word about the additional guests at the party?”

 

“Well Colonel,” Kinch began. “That’s big news, sort of.”

 

“What does that supposed to mean?” Hogan asked getting anxious.

 

“I guess we are going to be kept on the peripheral here,” Kinch explained. “General Hammerschlag, who has replaced the late Field Marshall Otto Kronisberg as Inspector General, will be accompanied by a Professor Kurt Wernig. Wernig is a major player in atomic research, so much so, that Allied High Command has put out an assassination order on him. They wanted to keep this mission, code named Operation Top Coat, as top secret as possible I guess. Kind of on a need to know basis.”

 

“So what do we need to know?” Hogan asked, his anxiety no less than before.

 

“Sorry Colonel,” Kinch continued, “not much. We only have to do what we’re already doing… record anything he offers up at the meeting. It seems the Russians already have an assassin in the loop that will do the deed after the man leaves Stalag 13.”

 

“Well if we’re lucky… that assassin will take out Hammerschlag too,” Hogan supposed. “Two Nazis for the price of one… I never much liked that guy when we met him on our last trip to Paris.”

 

“Yeah. Me neither,” Kinch agreed.

 

“Well Kinch, even without being involved in Operation Top Coat, we still have enough work to keep us busy,” Hogan said. “Set up a meeting for this afternoon. By then, Operation Hannibal should be history and we can concentrate on Operation Tiger and Operation Briefcase, not to mention recording the big meeting and organizing the big party.”

 

“Will do Colonel,” Kinch replied and left his commanding officer’s quarters.

 

Just before 0800 hours…

 

Sergeant Shultz came into Colonel Hogan’s quarters unannounced to escort him to the Kommandant office.

 

“So what’s the Kommandant want so early this morning Shultz?” Hogan asked. “He shouldn’t have anything to complain about, the men have been working hard for the past week.”

 

“I’m not sure Colonel Hogan,” Shultz offered. “But I don’t think it’s to complain. He seemed in an awfully good mood.”

 

“Even after last night’s visit from Frau Linkmeyer?” Hogan asked curious.

 

“Ja. Even after that!” Shultz replied.

 

“Well that’s a surprise. Lead on McDuff,” Hogan said standing from his stool and retrieving his cap from his desk.

 

After entering the Kommandant’s office…

 

Colonel Klink happily patted Sergeant Shultz on the shoulder and dismissed him. He then turned to Hogan and excitedly offered, “Sit Hogan, sit. I’ve got wonderful news! Can you guess who is a free man after Gertrude Linkmeyer came to dinner here last night?”

 

Hogan couldn’t help himself… he stood quickly and grabbed Klink’s hand and shook it really hard. “Why thank you Kommandant! This is just amazing! When do I get to leave!”

 

Klink just stood staring dumbfounded at first and then shook his head in frustration at the audacity in Hogan’s assumption. Removing his hand from the American Colonel’s he said sharply, “Don’t be ridiculous Hogan!”

 

“Oh, sorry sir,” Hogan offered in dejection and then sat heavily in the chair in front of the Kommandant’s desk. “So am I too assume, that that free man is you sir?”

 

“Yes Hogan,” Klink said patting the American on the shoulder. “Can you believe that Gertrude actually came here to apologize to me? I’m sure you heard about Hermann Wachts, General Burkhaulter’s brother-in-law. And don’t pretend your men didn’t tell you what happened.”

 

“Okay Kommandant,” Hogan offered. “I won’t pretend. But now you have to tell me what happened last night, because I hate to admit it, but your love life gives me my only glimpse of the outside world.”

 

With a smug smile Klink explained, “Well, it seems that Gertrude actually loves Hermann. She and he had a fight, and she only planned to attend the party and call on me… to make him jealous,” Klink said happily. “They have since made their peace. I am off the hook. She’s returning to Berlin today with Hermann.”

 

“So you really are free,” Hogan offered. “At least I will still get to hear about more of your romantic conquests. Honestly I was a little disappointed thinking that you’d be tied down to one woman.”

 

“Well never fear,” Klink offered even more smugly. “I will continue to keep you abreast of my activities.”

 

“Wonderful. Is that all you wanted sir?” Hogan offered with a sigh, but was honestly more than relieved that he no longer had to deal with Gertrude Linkymeyer and Klink’s love life the night of the party. I just have too much else to do.

 

“No Hogan, I actually wanted to go over the preparations your men are making for the meeting and party,” Klink replied. “How is everything coming along?”

 

“Well sir, as we discussed…” Hogan began. “The meeting and the evening’s party will take place in the guard’s mess hall. My men have everything under control. They’ve organized the band and will move the musical instruments into the hall in the morning. That way they’ll be ready for the evening’s festivities. LeBeau has planned a sandwich buffet for during the meeting and will have that set up just before the meeting’s participants arrive. That way, my men will not have to be anywhere near the mess hall during the course of the meeting.”

 

“Good. Good,” Klink replied satisfied. “And the afternoon’s cocktail party?”

 

“That, of course,” Hogan continued, “will be held in your living quarters. LeBeau has many hors d'oeuvres and cocktails planned for the ladies while the meeting is taking place. And my men are ready to be the waiters to serve them. I’ll of course be there to keep an eye on things. But I’m sure the ladies will be impressed sir. And then once the meeting is over, everything moves on over to the mess hall. LeBeau will have already stocked the hall with the evening’s provisions. It will just be a matter of a little set up time for the food, the liquor, and the band. And my men again will be available as waiters for the entire evening.”

 

“Wonderful. Thank you Hogan,” Klink said. “As I’ve said your men have done an incredible job. I will make all this work worth your while.”

 

“You’re welcome Kommandant,” Hogan offered as out of the blue an idea of how to get Klink involved in the men’s play came to mind. “Actually sir. You know the men can’t thank you enough for allowing them to put on their newest play sir. They want to offer you a violin solo in this newest version. As it is they’ve already cornered me for a drum solo. It would be great for their morale sir. What do you say? It would certainly be payback enough sir.” Oh boy, the things I stoop to…

 

“A violin solo, you say?” Klink asked surprised. “I can’t be involved in anything like Hello Zolle Hogan.”

 

“This version is a love story sir. It’s called Lady Chitterly’s Lover,” Hogan offered. “Nothing political at all.”

 

“Oh well then,” Klink said, “that’s different. If you think the men would really want me… I will still need time to practice.”

 

“We both have almost three weeks sir,” Hogan offered. “I’m a little rusty myself. Sergeant Matthews will bring the music by for you. I know the men appreciate your help in putting on the play sir, thank you.”

 

“You’re welcome Hogan,” Klink said. “My pleasure. Well if that’s all Hogan, you’re dismissed.”

 

“Yes sir,” Hogan replied, stood, and saluted the German Colonel.

 

As the American Colonel made his way to the door, Klink’s voice gave him pause, “Oh one more thing Hogan.”

 

“Yes sir?” Hogan questioned glancing back in the German Colonel’s direction.

 

“Frau Linkmeyer still wants that gown made,” Klink stated. “Although Newkirk has more time. She said she has no plans to wear it for a few weeks.”

 

“I’ll let him know Colonel,” Hogan sighed because he thought he remembered hearing Newkirk say that he had finished Frau Linkmeyer’s gown first.  Oh well…you can’t win em’ all, he groaned to himself as he made his way from Klink’s office.

 

And then upon re-entering Barracks Two…

 

Kinch almost pounced on Colonel Hogan after he opened the door.

 

“Whoa, what’s the matter?” Hogan asked anxious.

 

“Sorry Colonel,” Kinch offered. “We just got word from Oskar Schnitzer during his daily drop-off, that his niece Heidi has gotten the job to replace Ludwig Bieber as a member of the housekeeping staff at Gestapo Headquarters. Berger, Freiling, Schlick, and Oskar himself approached her about going for the job.”

 

“Without checking with me first?” Hogan asked somewhat angry. “It’s a dangerous position, Heidi can’t be more than 20, and she doesn’t even have that much experience. Then to have to face that den of rabid lions everyday… what were they thinking?”

 

“Well Colonel,” Kinch explained. “According to Oskar, Heidi has always wanted to be more involved than just being the occasional distraction here in camp. The only thing that had kept her from doing so, was because she was helping to take care of her Aunt Frieda.” Kinch sighed. “And we all know that that is no longer an issue since Oskar’s wife died six weeks ago. It seems that since then Heidi hasn’t had much to do, except help with the dogs.”

 

“But…” Hogan started to protest and then paused realizing, that whether or not he had set the process of finding a replacement in motion, he would have eventually gone with his civilian’s recommendation for who was best qualified for the job. But he had to ask, “Oskar is okay with this?”

 

“Oskar said that he and the others felt the need to lessen the burden of you worrying about finding a replacement,” Kinch explained. “He said they all felt responsible for Ludwig’s mistake. He said that Heidi readily agreed to try and get the job. And they all knew that it certainly helped her chances that she and Oskar were already well-known and trusted by the Gestapo, as they’ve spent many a day caring for the Gestapo’s own dogs.” Kinch paused to see if the Colonel had any response, when nothing was forthcoming he offered, “Oskar said that everyone, including Heidi, agreed that she was the logical choice. He said that the Gestapo hardly even questioned giving Heidi the job.”

 

“Okay,” Hogan sighed. “I guess I shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth here.” Hogan shook his head, “It’s just hard letting go of my responsibility, but it seems our civilians are becoming increasingly more capable and committed. Wouldn’t you agree Kinch?”

 

“Yeah, that they are Colonel,” Kinch assured.

 

Colonel Hogan just nodded in response and then started toward his quarters, only to turn back as he remembered an unresolved issue. “That reminds me Kinch. Did you ever find someone to care for the Golden Eagle? I hadn’t heard you mention it.”

 

“Well Colonel,” Kinch hedged. “I was going to bring it up at the meeting.”

 

“Why what’s the matter?” Hogan asked easily seeing Kinch’s hesitation.

 

“Well Colonel,” Kinch offered. “Matthews and I went through all the interviews after having passed the word around camp that we needed help… and got no response.”

 

“Yeah, so what did you find?” Hogan asked.  “Do we have a rotten egg in our hen house?”

 

“No Colonel. Nothing like that,” Kinch assured. “Matthews came across the name of someone who could probably help us out. But…”

 

“But what…” Hogan started getting annoyed. “Everyone here knows their duty Kinch. There shouldn’t be any buts. Who is it? I’ll talk to him myself.”

 

“That’s not a good idea Colonel,” Kinch stated, knowing that he better spit the rest of it out before the Colonel blows his top. “The man in question is Corporal Harold Butterworth.”

 

“Butterworth? Butterworth?” Hogan began almost too angry to recognize the name. “Not…?” he questioned as the reason for Kinch’s apprehension started to become quite clear to him. At Kinch’s quiet nod, Hogan sighed, “Oh good God.”

 

“I’m sorry Colonel,” Kinch replied. “Butterworth’s interview says he spent three college semesters as an assistant archeologist under the tutelage of one Professor Henry Jones Sr., a noted expert in the field.” Kinch sighed. “It’s just, as you know sir, Butterworth’s nothing but a nervous breakdown waiting to happen. Ever since he arrived, we haven’t been able to find him a duty station. He gets himself so worked up, with everything we’ve ever given him, that if you even just ask him how he’s doing; he gets sick and throws up. The man spends half his day in the latrine.”

 

“Well I’m sorry Kinch,” Hogan replied adamant. “He’s just gonna have to suck it up. Someone already died retrieving that statue from the Gestapo. I plan on keeping it as safe as possible. Assign Butterworth to the care of the Golden Eagle, and if you have to… supply him with the bucket to puke in.”

 

Kinch sighed, “Yes sir, but would you mind if I have Carter tell him Colonel? The guy almost has a coronary anytime I go near him.”

 

“Is there any specific reason that he has a problem responding to you?” Hogan asked hoping to get his point across without openly pushing the racial issue in Kinch’s face.

 

Kinch seemed to understand the question. “No sir, I just intimidate him. The poor guy is not cut out for this kind of stuff. How he even got passed the draft board is beyond me.”

 

“Okay, okay,” Hogan ordered. “Do whatever it takes, but he will be responsible for the Golden Eagle.”

 

“Yes sir,” Kinch replied. “I’ll get on it right away Colonel.” Kinch started for the door to find Carter, but glanced back over his shoulder, and as a reminder to the Colonel offered, “We have that meeting at 1300 hours sir.”

 

At Hogan’s nod, Kinch made his way out of barracks two. And Colonel Hogan, for his part, just sighed and escaped to his quarters, as another headache threatened.

 

At 1300 hours…

 

Colonel Hogan exited his quarters to find his men already gathered for their meeting. There was an extra large group today, as this meeting was covering a huge effort on everyone’s part. “Okay gentlemen. Why don’t we just start right in. We’ll go around the room and I want a report of readiness from each of you.” Hogan glanced up and said, “Carter you’re up first.”

 

“Yes sir,” Carter offered. “I shouldn’t have any problem sir. As a waiter at the party, I don’t foresee any issue in contacting Tiger’s Uncle Pierre.  I have his picture. I should be able to find him easily. Once he’s alone I’ll approach with the code phrase and pick up the sample.” Carter shrugged in Newkirk’s direction. “Newkirk has given me some pointers for ‘picking up’ that sample, so you shouldn’t worry sir. After that I’ll head for the mess’s kitchen and pass it off to our runner…”

 

Hogan interrupted before Carter could finish, “That’s you Peters. Have any concerns?”

 

“No sir,” Peters replied. “It’s an easy trip from the mess hall to barracks seven. I’ll make it there and back again before anyone even misses me. Anderson will then have Stetson transfer the sample to Kinch for safekeeping.”

 

“And I…” Kinch started, “have the perfect hiding place for it until it’s time to transfer the sample to the couriers from Allied Headquarters, who will be arriving on the evening of the 11^th.”

 

“The couriers already know what they’re moving right?” Hogan asked.

 

“Yes sir,” Kinch replied. “That’s why Headquarters is sending three men. Between the heavy water sample, the meeting’s paperwork and recording, and the transferring of General Dittmer to London, they’ll have their hands full.”

 

“Good,” Hogan offered. “So Matthews… do you have the recorder ready?”

 

“Yes sir,” Matthews replied. “Everything should be fine Colonel. It will be moved in with the musical instruments for the band. It will be hidden under the stage we’ve put together. I’ll just start it running when we’ve made our final pass over the equipment.” 

 

“And after the meeting?” Hogan asked.

 

“In getting ready to perform, we should be able to retrieve it easily,” Matthews offered. “And once handed off to Peters… that will be that.”

 

“The same transfer will occur sir,” Peters reported. “Me to Anderson to Stetson to Kinch. There won’t be a problem Colonel.”

 

“So Kinch, we are back to you.” Hogan said with a quick turn toward his second-in-command. “Are we all set with the wiretaps and our steno staff?”

 

“Yes sir,” Kinch offered. “I have ten men who’ve had training as radio men and can take shorthand. They will each be stationed in a different barracks to record all that they hear throughout the meeting. I feel that ten men should be able to cover everything necessary sir. Between the voice recordings and their paperwork… we shouldn’t miss a thing.”

 

“Good. Good,” Hogan praised. “Everything’s coming together. Do we have anyone taking photographs?”

 

“That would be me sir,” Anderson replied. “I will take pictures of the coming and goings from the mess hall while I wait for Peters to transfer the heavy water sample and the recordings. And as Peters said I’ll be handing them off to Stetson who will get those things to Kinch.”

 

“Okay good, so next up is Dittmer,” Hogan supposed. “Newkirk?”

 

“Right sir,” Newkirk began. “Like Carter said, as a waiter, the initial contact shouldn’t be hard. The plan is to have the General leave the party early. I’ll be able to signal Anderson at the door to the mess hall that the General is leaving. The General will already know that he’ll be stopped at a roadblock two miles from camp, and that those who meet him will transfer him to his next stop to London. Away from Stalag 13, per your orders sir.”

 

“Once Anderson gives me the heads up Colonel,” Kinch offered. “I’ll radio Ken Hart and his team to be ready at the road block for our defector.”

 

“So Sergeant Hart,” Hogan asked. “Are you all set to make this transfer?”

 

“Yes sir,” Hart said. “I’ll have four men with me. I have the code phrase. I don’t foresee a problem. With us dressed as Luftwaffe, the transfer should go well, especially since the General is a willing participant.”

 

“I still don’t trust this guy and he may be accompanied by a security detail,” Hogan reminded his Sergeant. “So this could be a trap, if so it’s a capture or kill situation. If you have any inkling that something’s not right, your first priority is the safety of your men.”

 

“Of course Colonel,” Hart assured. “Always. I understand the situation.”

 

“Good,” Hogan stated. “And you’ll be blind-folding and drugging the General, unbeknownst to the General of course, and then moving him to Werner Kemp’s barn?”

 

“Yes sir, Werner is to meet us and keep the General under wraps until we come back the next night and transfer him to the couriers,” Hart offered. “Again, per your order sir… he will be kept as much in the dark about our operation as possible.”

 

“Okay,” Hogan continued. “We do have to make a slight change in procedure though. I’m going to have to disappear from the cocktail party. The more I’ve thought about it… I’m worried that General Hammerschlag will recognize me from our little séance in Paris. I’ll have to stay at the cocktail party in Klink’s quarters long enough to find out why Marya is coming. Once I work that out, I’ll have to feign an illness and return here, so I can be as far away from Hammerschlag and the mess hall as possible.”

 

“That’s fine Colonel,” Newkirk offered. “We can do the job. Don’t worry.”

 

“I know you can Newkirk,” Hogan assured. “I’m just concerned about what Marya is coming here for. She could throw a monkey wrench into the whole scenario.” Hogan looked up into the eyes of his men, and continued, “But she’s my problem. We’ll make it work. Thank you gentlemen. That’s all. Dismissed.”

 

Hogan watched as most of his men dispersed, but caught Kinch by the arm. “Any word through the grapevine about that Luftwaffe supply train? The explosions were deafening.”

 

“Nothing from the underground as of yet sir,” Kinch said. “But Shultz and the other guards who responded to the emergency at the train station returned and reported to Klink about the complete destruction of the train and bridge.”

 

“Okay, so that mission was a success. Thanks Kinch,” Hogan said patting Kinch on the shoulder and then headed to his quarters. Let’s just hope we can pull off everything else we still need too, without getting ourselves killed.  

 

Hammelburg, Germany, Luft Stalag 13,

Kommandant’s Klink’s Living Quarters

The Cocktail Party, November 10, 1943, 1230 Hours

 

“Colonel Hogan,” Kommandant Klink said as he came up to stand beside his Senior POW Officer. “You honestly don’t look well Hogan. You should go back to your barracks. You have my permission to leave.”

 

“Thanks Kommandant,” Hogan offered quite glad that he had again enlisted Doctor Freiling to help him appear sick. “But I’ll stick it out a little longer. I want to make sure my men have everything well in hand.” Oof. That stuff the Doc gave me during that pneumonia outbreak last winter works quickly. Hell I’m already sweating and my stomach is all queasy. And I only took that stuff this morning.

 

“I really don’t need you passing out on me Colonel,” Klink stated. “And I don’t know how you’d feel about this… but the Lady Baroness Von Hoffstein is a doctor Hogan. If you are that sick, I could ask her to examine you.”

 

“No. No, that’s alright Kommandant,” Hogan hedged. “I’ll be fine. I’ll only stay for a bit longer.” Marya you better show up soon or this whole thing is going to blow up in our faces.

 

“Alright. Just don’t embarrass me Hogan,” Klink warned and then returned to hosting the cocktail party.

 

“Never sir,” Hogan replied to Klink’s retreating back. Come on Marya. Where are you?

 

As if on cue Marya took the Colonel by surprise as she came up from behind him while he was watching Klink walk away. “Happy Birthday my dear Hogan!” she bellowed in her deep throaty Russian accent and took him into a huge embrace. “We really need to talk Hogan,” she whispered in his ear and then kissed him on the cheek.

 

Hogan broke the embrace, announcing in no uncertain terms… “It’s not my birthday Marya.”

 

“Ah no matter,” she continued. “It is of course my Adolf’s birthday.” She turned quickly back the way she had come and grabbed the arm of a Field Marshall and made him walk toward Hogan. “Say Happy Birthday to Adolf Hogan!”

 

Hogan nodded graciously, “Happy Birthday Field Marshall.”

 

“Thank you Colonel… Hogan is it?” Field Marshall Klingensmith replied in question.

 

“Yes sir. Colonel Robert Hogan, US Army Air Corps, Senior POW officer,” Hogan offered formally.

 

“Ah Marya,” the Field Marshall teased. “This is the man you have told me about… yes?”

 

Hogan almost had a coronary. You what Marya?

 

“Yes Adolf,” Marya replied seductively. “Isn’t he all that I said?” She took Hogan into another embrace and this time tussled his jet-black hair, and gave him another kiss.

 

Hogan for his part just stood dumbfounded, not even able to think of a way out of this predicament.

 

“My apologies Colonel Hogan,” the Field Marshall offered. “It was not my intention to embarrass a fellow officer, even if an enemy officer. Marya had told me how when she first visited Stalag 13 she found the Senior POW Officer to be quite handsome… even if the enemy.”

 

“Apology accepted,” Hogan sighed. “I think.”

 

“Ah good,” Klingensmith replied with a smirk of amusement. “So I will leave you in good hands then Marya,” Klingensmith said offering a nod at Colonel Hogan as he reached for Marya’s hand and kissed it in a gentlemanly fashion. He then made a quick exit from the Kommandant’s quarters heading no doubt for the meeting that was just beginning.

 

“Do you enjoy giving me a heart attack Marya?” Hogan questioned.

 

“Eminently, my dear Colonel.” Marya smiled. “But now is not the time to banter words Hogan. I need your help.”

 

“What’s going on?” Hogan whispered and headed casually over to a more secure and quiet corner of Klink’s quarters.

 

Marya followed and whispered, “I know London informed you of what would be Professor Kurt Wernig’s ultimate demise at the hands of a Russian assassin. Only that assassin has gone missing Colonel. I have not had contact with him in days. I need your help to rid the world of this Wernig.”

 

“What’s your part in this?” Hogan asked, glancing around to make sure they were still being ignored.

 

“I was only to make known to my contact when Wernig and Hammerschlag were leaving the party,” Marya supplied. “The rest was up to him. I was of course going to help the ‘leaving’ along, so there wouldn’t be any mishap.” 

 

“So,” Hogan said angry. “Does that mean I’m now responsible for the assassination?”

 

“I knew you would understand Hogan!” Marya bellowed in a whisper.

 

Hogan just stood quietly, half of him wanting to strangle Marya, the other half already working on a plan. “Marya, you keep up your part in this operation. Get Hammerschlag and Wernig to leave earlier than expected… but it has to be after a General Albert Dittmer.” Hogan took a deep breath. “All you have to do is pretend to get a breath of fresh air. Leave the mess hall via the front doors. That’s all the signal my men need.”

 

“Oh Hogan,” Marya purred. “I knew I could count on you!” Marya then grabbed him by the arm and yelled quite loudly, “Come have a drink with me Hogan!”

 

For his part, Hogan bent over coughing and holding onto his stomach.

 

Kommandant Klink was at his side – from all the way across the room – almost immediately. “I’m sorry Marya, Colonel Hogan is not well.” He turned away looking in the direction of the kitchen. “Shultz,” he bellowed. “Escort Colonel Hogan back to his quarters!”

 

“Thank you Kommandant,” Hogan said quietly. In more ways than one.

 

Then as soon as Shultz made his exit from Barracks Two…

 

Colonel Hogan burst through the door of his office and bellowed, “Olsen. Find Sergeants Hart and Kinchloe. I need to see them both ASAP. Got it.”

 

“Yes sir,” Olsen replied in a gasping breath, as he jumped from his bunk at the Colonel’s order. He headed for the tunnel entrance barely giving the Colonel another look.

 

Colonel Hogan never even acknowledged Olsen’s reply, assuming he didn’t have to, and knowing Olsen didn’t need to be coaxed into doing his duty. Hogan then paced barracks two like a caged tiger, his mind racing as to how they would accomplish this newest mission. He knew he could count on Hart to follow through. The man always did his duty, and had already proven to Hogan that he could do the tough jobs without hesitation. And Hogan knew that this newest job was one of the tough ones.

 

Hogan continued to pace until he saw Kinch emerge from the tunnel breathing hard, as if he’d run all the way from where he’d been.

 

“What’s the matter Colonel?” Kinch asked breathless. “Olsen was a wreck when he came and got me.”

 

“Wait until Hart get here,” Hogan ordered. “I don’t want any misunderstandings. I want to explain this to both of you at the same time.”

 

“Of course sir,” Kinch agreed catching his breath.

 

Just then Sergeant Hart appeared at the tunnel entrance as out of breath as Kinch was. “You needed to see me sir? Is there something wrong?”

 

“You could say that Sergeant,” Hogan stated and began to pace again thinking out loud. “We have a problem. You both know that Professor Kurt Wernig was to be an assassination target of the Russians. Well Marya just told me that that assassin went missing. She has graciously dumped Wernig’s assassination in our laps.”

 

“What’s your plan sir?” Hart asked without hesitation. 

 

Hogan stopped his pacing and looked up at Hart in surprise, and then glanced sideway at Kinch. “Am I that transparent Sergeant?”

 

“I’m sorry Colonel,” Hart apologized. “I assumed….”

 

“No apology Sergeant,” Hogan sighed. “I do have a plan, and I’ll be laying that plan at your feet. Can you handle it?”

 

Hart came to attention, “Yes sir, my men and I are ready for anything Colonel. Just give the word.”

 

“Thank you Sergeant,” Hogan offered. “I knew I could count of you.” The Colonel took a deep breath. “Well first Dittmer’s transfer will happen as planned. You might need a couple more people Hart. But I’ll leave that decision to you. Marya is going to somehow force Wernig and Hammerschlag to leave the party early, but not until after Dittmer. She’ll be using the same signal as Newkirk, appearing at the door to the mess hall. After that, my plan is fairly simple Hart. After getting the word from Kinch, you’ll need to take out Wernig at the same road block.”

 

“That shouldn’t be a problem Colonel,” Hart assured. “What about Hammerschlag? And their security escort?”

 

“The safest bet would be to eliminate them all,” Hogan said. “But I was just wondering whether if it would be worth the danger to capture Hammerschlag. We could always use him as a hostage, eventually even swapping the General for something. What at this point I don’t know.” Hogan took a breath. “I just don’t know if it’s worth the close contact needed to capture him. Because other than that you and your men could spray the General’s vehicle from a safe distance.”

 

“Colonel Hogan sir,” Hart offered. “My men are ready for whatever you decide. If you feel Hammerschlag’s capture is important, then that’s what we’ll do.”

 

“Thank you Sergeant,” Hogan replied. “I’m still toying with the idea, but I’m also worried that too much activity will have the Gestapo on our tails in no time. I need to work out a way to deflect any blame away from us.” Hogan started to pace in earnest again.

 

Kinch who had been quiet for most of this meeting finally offered, “You know Colonel… I was listening in on the meeting. Remember how I said Dittmer was being investigated by those in Berlin?”

 

“Yeah,” Hogan replied curious.

 

“Well hell Colonel,” Kinch supplied. “There’s no doubt in my mind now that Dittmer has made enemies. General Hammerschlag was burning in rage at the man. They almost had a knock down drag out fight before the meeting even started. Hammerschlag, as the new inspector General, has been fairly immersed in Dittmer’s case, I guess.” Kinch laughed. “And it seems that Dittmer never knew that Hammerschlag was coming to this meeting. I’ve never heard a man back–peddling so fast in my life.  But even still… Dittmer seemed to be quite the arrogant bastard.”

 

“Can we say, a lot of other people heard this fight?” Hogan asked.

 

“Most definitely Colonel,” Kinch assured.

 

“Well that cuts it then,” Hogan began. “Sergeant your job will be to eliminate everyone in the General’s vehicle. But I want you to make it look like the ambush came from Dittmer. Use his car to block the road, anything that will incriminate the bastard.”

 

“Yes sir. Gladly,” Hart said with a surge of adrenalin.

 

“Great,” Hogan stated. “Good luck Sergeant. On your way.”

 

“Yes sir, thank you sir,” Hart said. “You have nothing to worry about. Trust me.”

 

“I do Sergeant. I do,” Hogan assured and stood quietly as his man made his way back into the tunnels under barracks two.  After what seemed like an eternity, Hogan turned back to Kinch. “You better get back down stairs, and keep an ear in on the meeting. And make sure Anderson knows he’s also watching for Marya’s signal as well.”

 

“Yes sir, will do.” Kinch turned and left his commanding officer standing quietly at the center table, knowing that the Colonel hated this point in any operation. The point at which he had to wait for everyone else to do their jobs. The waiting always kills him. He’d so rather be in the thick of things.  Kinch sighed as he heard, even from his position at the bottom of the ladder, the Colonel’s office door slam shut. It just kills him.

 

Hammelburg, Germany, Luft Stalag 13,

Tunnel beneath Barracks Two, Radio Room,

November 12, 1943, 11:30 Hours

 

“Well Kinch,” Colonel Hogan said as he stood next to his radioman. “The last couple of weeks have been hell. Wouldn’t you say?”

 

“You can say that again,” Kinch sighed. “Although certainly a successful two weeks. With the couriers on their way to London with Dittmer, the recordings, the heavy water sample, and the paperwork… London should be very impressed Colonel.”

 

“Yeah. We even have the Gestapo believing that Dittmer took out Hammerschlag for fear of prosecution. Word has it they even think Wernig was just ‘in the way’ during Hammerschlag’s assassination,” Hogan smirked. “Hell London can even pin any leaked information from the meeting on Dittmer too. It should keep our defecting General in line, I guess. And keep the wolves away from us.”

 

“Yeah. And now the guys even get a breather,” Kinch offered. “Other than moving a few POWs, it’s pretty quiet today.”

 

“Probably won’t last long,” Hogan sighed. “But you’re right. At least we get a day to regroup.” Hogan put a hand to Kinch’s shoulder, “So how about a tour of the camp? Help me spread a some good feelings, huh?”

 

“Great idea Colonel,” Kinch agreed and stood from his radio desk. As he did though two small slips of paper slid from his grasp and onto the dirt floor in front of Colonel Hogan. Kinch went quickly to pick them up, almost colliding with the Colonel who had also bent down to retrieve them. “I got them Colonel!” he said a little too anxious, but was not able to beat Colonel Hogan to the punch.

 

Hogan, ever curious, had picked up quickly that Kinch wanted to keep him from knowing what was on those pieces of paper. “So what’s this?” Hogan smirked at the embarrassed look on Kinch’s face. He read the first piece of paper, “Hmm Operation Radar.” Nothing too embarrassing about that. Flipping it over Hogan couldn’t help but screw his face into a grimace. “How to cook a German goose by Radar?” Hogan asked aloud, giving Kinch a dirty look.

 

“Colonel Hogan, please…” Kinch started but was quieted by Hogan’s raised hand.

 

“Don’t say anything,” Hogan began taking in what was written on the second piece of paper. “Operation Trucking Service,” he said aloud and then flipping that piece of paper over he read, “Hogan’s Trucking Service… We Bring the Factory to You.”

 

“Colonel Hogan, please understand…” Kinch started again but was quieted for a second time by Hogan’s raised hand.

 

“It’s okay Kinch,” Hogan offered, handing the pieces of paper back to Kinch. “I know we all have to blow off a little steam. If this is your way, it’s fine. I just hope I’m not the brunt of the joke for of all those though,” the Colonel offered seeing a stack of the same small pieces of paper in Kinch’s hand.

 

“Please Colonel,” Kinch almost begged. “This was never meant as a joke. Please don’t take offense. It’s honestly just a way for me to keep better track of the missions.” Kinch sighed in embarrassment. “Really Colonel, we’ve been so busy. I just thought that it would be easier to have a more explanatory name to go by, than just Operation Something.” Kinch paused and took a deep breath. “It just got a little out of control when Lieutenant James from Barracks Twenty overheard me talking about coming up with the names.”

 

“How’s that?” Hogan asked.

 

“Well Colonel, James worked for an advertising agency before the war,” Kinch tried to explain. “It was standard procedure to solicit all types of slogans from each ad team that worked for his company. Everyone would then vote for the best slogan for each advertising campaign, and that would be the one that would make it onto the ad.”

 

“What are you talking about Kinch?” Hogan asked getting frustrated.

“I’m sorry Colonel,” Kinch apologized. “This has only been going on for a couple months.  But James organized a slogan committee. They’ve been coming up with slogans for each of our missions. I just let them Colonel. I’m sorry. Some of them are embarrassing sir, but the guys have been having a great time coming up with them. And I promised…”

 

Hogan just shook his head and started to laugh, “Okay Kinch. I understand. I’m the last person to stop the men from having a little fun.” Even if at my expense. “But now you’re going to have to let me read the rest some time okay? I promise I won’t let anyone know I know.”

 

“Ah, thanks Colonel,” Kinch said and shamefacedly offered the stack of papers to his commanding officer.

 

“Eh. Not now Kinch,” Hogan offered quickly. “We still have our little tour of camp to make.” And… I should probably give you a chance to sort through the one’s you really don’t want me to see.

 

“Yes sir,” Kinch sighed in pure relief, and put the stack in the radio desk’s drawer. Whew, there are definitely some of these that I will need to keep from him until this war’s over… And even then ‘only maybe’ will I show them to him.

 

Kinch then gratefully followed his Commanding Officer to make that goodwill tour of the camp.

 

And even though things seem quiet at Stalag 13 at the moment, something happening across town will soon change that for our heroes…

 

“Captain Dingle, Supply Officer,” the supervisor in charge of the Hammelburg Supply Depot said answering the phone. “What? – You can’t be serious. – There’s a war on… I can’t requisition that much gasoline without proper authorization. – A tank? One tank you say? – If my memory serves… it would take fifty tanks, three months, to use the amount of gasoline you’re asking for. Call me back when you have proper authorization.” Dingle hung up the phone annoyed at the jokester on the other end. I hate dealing with prank calls.

 

The phone rang again almost immediately. “Captain Dingle, Supply Officer,” the Captain repeated and then panicked offering, “Top secret. Yes sir. I’m sorry General Kurtz. The gasoline will be ready sir. The 4^th Panzer Brigade will be passing through the Hammelburg area next Tuesday. You need enough gasoline for the whole Brigade, seventy-five tanks. Yes sir. Of course, it’s top secret sir.” Dingle sighed in relief when the General slammed the phone down. When am I ever going learn? You’d think after the whole Burkhaulter vs Klink and that Gonculator incident; I’d watch what I say.

 

But no…

 

At least that whole thing worked out for the best. I played right into Papa Bear’s hands without knowing.

 

This time though, I know exactly how to play the game…Dingle looked at his watch, knowing that it was almost time for lunch. He would go to his regular lunch spot, the Haus Brau. His plan… to spend some time doting on the young waitress, Erika, and then offering the owner, Herman Schlick, the newest information just garnered this morning. The location of the 4^th Panzer Brigade.

 

I only hope that Papa Bear can make short work of that tank battalion.

 

The End

 

Author’s Note: 

 

Listed below, in order of appearance within this Game, are the Episode Title’s used.

(And yes, all 168 titles were included!)

 

Did we do good? Let us know what you think…

 

1. Psychic Kommandant, Episode #25

2. The Gypsy, Episode #157

3. My Favorite Prisoner, Episode #110

4. The Informer, Episode #1

5. One in Every Crowd, Episode #72

6. No Names Please, Episode #102

7. Colonel Klink’s Secret Weapon, Episode #60

8. The Tower, Episode #59

9. Request Permission to Escape, Episode #32

10. Man in a Box, Episode #106

11. The Most Escape-Proof Camp I’ve Ever Escaped From, Episode #58

12. Killer Klink, Episode #54

13. Easy Come, Easy Go, Episode #159

14. War Takes a Holiday, Episode #83

15. The Battle of Stalag 13, Episode #37

16. Kommandant of the Year, Episode #3

17. Will the Real Adolf Please Stand up?, Episode #44

18. Hogan, Go Home, Episode #81

19. Heil Klink, Episode #54

20. Unfair Exchange, Episode 123

21. Eight O’clock and All is Well, Episode #152

22. The Prisoner’s Prisoner, Episode #6

23. How to Escape from a Prison Camp without Really Trying, Episode #88

24. Clearance Sale at the Black Market, Episode #93

25. The Purchasing Plan, Episode#114

26. Hot Money, Episode #71

27. Is there a Traitor in the House?, Episode #131

28. Carter Turns Traitor, Episode #78

29. The Well, Episode#120

30. Watch the Trains go by, Episode #111

31. The Witness, Episode #115

32. It’s Dynamite, Episode #154

33. German Bridge is Falling Down, Episode #7

34. Color the Luftwaffe Red, Episode #100

35. Some of Their Planes are Missing, Episode #64

36. The Big Picture, Episode #126

37. Operation Hannibal, Episode #109

38. The Big Gamble, Episode 127

39. Bad Day in Berlin, Episode #103

40. The Crittendon Plan, Episode #63

41. Crittendon Commandoes, Episode #143

42. Sticky Wicket Newkirk, Episode #82

43. An Evening of Generals, Episode #75

44. Cuisine a’la Stalag 13, Episode #145

45. The Big Dish, Episode #116

46. How to Win Friends and Influence Nazis, Episode #69

47. Information Please, Episode #47

48. The Pizza Parlor, Episode #22

49. The Return of Major Bonacelli, Episode #117

50. Hogan’s Hofbrau, Episode #13

51. The Empty Parachute, Episode #129

52. Klink’s Commandos, Episode #121

53. The Reluctant Target, Episode #62

54. The Experts, Episode #146

55. The Swing Shift, Episode #53

56. The 43rd, a Moving Story, Episode #23

57. Axis Annie, Episode #85

58. The Big Broadcast, Episode #156

59. One Army at a Time, Episode #138

60. How to Catch a Papa Bear, Episode #95

61. Will the Blue Baron Strike Again?, Episode #104

62. The Great Impersonation, Episode #21

63. To the Gestapo with Love, Episode #97

64. The Dropouts, Episode #158

65. Nights in Shining Armor, Episode #70

66. Operation Tiger, Episode #155

67. Operation Briefcase, Episode #36

68. Reservations are Required, Episode #15

69. Klink’s Rocket, Episode #46

70. Anchors Aweigh, Men of Stalag 13, Episode #16

71. Who Stole My Copy of Mein Kampf?, Episode #108

72. How’s the Weather?, Episode #133

73. Kommandant Schultz, Episode #151

74. Gowns by Yvette, Episode #137

75. Six Lessons from Madame LaGrange, Episode #140

76. Get Fit or Go Fight, Episode #9

77. Hello, Zolle, Episode #19

78. The Kommandant Dies at Dawn, Episode #124

79. Will the Real Colonel Klink Please Stand up Against the Wall?, Episode #105

80. Never Play Cards with Strangers, Episode #99

81. Klink’s Old Flame, Episode #112

82. The Flame Grows Higher, Episode #31

83. Casanova Klink, Episode #68

84. To Russia Without Love, Episode #162

85. A Klink, a Bomb and a Short Fuse, Episode #40

86. A Russian is Coming, Episode #74

87. Hogan Gives a Birthday Party, Episode #33

88. Happy Birthday, Adolf, Episode #17

89. Hogan Springs, Episode #39

90. Is there a Doctor in the House?, Episode #80

91. D-Day at Stalag 13, Episode #65

92. That’s No Lady, That’s My Spy, Episode #161

93. The Meister Spy, Episode #160

94. The Scientist, Episode #12

95. The Ultimate Weapon, Episode #90

96. Rockets or Romance, Episode #168

97. Top Hat, White Tie, and Bomb Sight, Episode #10

98. Go Light on the Heavy Water, Episode #9

99. Hold the Tiger, Episode #2

100. A Tiger Hunt in Paris, Episode #42

101. The Prince from the Phone Company, Episode #26

102. A Tiger Hunt in Paris, Episode #43

103. Don’t forget to Write, Episode #45

104. Standing Room Only, Episode #139

105. Lady Chitterly’s Lover, Episode #148

106. Lady Chitterly’s Lover, Episode #149

107. A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to London, Episode #67

108. Diamonds in the Rough, Episode #35

109. Hogan goes Hollywood, Episode #119

110. Sergeant Shultz Meets Mata Hari, Episode #66

111. Movies are your Best Escape, Episode #8

112. Drums along the Dusseldorf, Episode #92

113. Art for Hogan’s Sake, Episode #48

114. I look Better in Basic Black, Episode #28

115. Reverend Kommandant Klink, Episode #57

116. Klink’s Masterpiece, Episode #147

117. The Flight of the Valkyrie, Episode #5

118. The Big Record, Episode #153

119. Oil for the Lamps of Hogan, Episode #14

120. Up in Klink’s Room, Episode #113

121. The Merry Widow, Episode #142

122. Kommandant Gertrude, Episode #165

123. Duel of Honor, Episode #84

124. Everyone has a Brother-in-Law, Episode #55

125. Fat Hermann, Go Home, Episode #135

126. LeBeau and the Little Old Lady, Episode #87

127. Missing Klink, Episode #107

128. Klink’s Escape, Episode #144

129. Cupid comes to Stalag 13, Episode #30

130. Look at the Pretty Snowflakes, Episode #167

131. Everybody Loves a Snowman, Episode #76

132. Monkey Business, Episode #91

133. Happiness is a Warm Sergeant, Episode #11

134. The Gestapo Takeover, Episode #150

135. Man’s Best Friend is not His Dog, Episode#98

136. The Schultz Brigade, Episode #34

137. The Rise and Fall of Sergeant Schultz, Episode #38

138. The Softer They Fall, Episode#136

139. The Sergeant’s Analyst, Episode #141

140. At Last-Schultz Knows Something, Episode #132

141. Praise the Fuhrer and Pass the Ammunition, Episode #51

142. Klink for the Defense, Episode #163

143. Hogan’s Double Life, Episode #166

144. The Great Brinksmeyer Robbery, Episode #50

145. The Antique, Episode #130

146. The Gold Rush, Episode #18

147. The Safecracker Suite, Episode #27

148. It Takes a Thief… Sometimes, Episode #20

149. The Collector General, Episode #89

150. The Defector, Episode #128

151. Bombsight, Episode #125

152. What Time Does the Balloon Go Up?, Episode #86

153. The Kamikazes are Coming, Episode #164

154. The Late Inspector General, Episode #4

155. Top Secret Top Coat, Episode #61

156. The Assassin, Episode #29

157. Two Nazis for The Price of One, Episode #79

158. Guess Who Came to Dinner, Episode #101

159. Hogan and the Lady Doctor, Episode #52

160. Happy Birthday, Dear Hogan, Episode #118

161. The Hostage, Episode #77

162. The General Swap, Episode #49

163. Is General Hammerschlag Burning, Episode #73

164. How to Cook a German Goose by Radar, Episode #24

165. Hogan’s Trucking Service… We Bring the Factory to You, Episode #96

166. The Gasoline War, Episode #122

167. Tanks for the Memory, Episode #41

168. Klink vs the Gonculator, Episode #94

 

A quick note…Fanfiction.net has been notorious about automatically removing the URL’s contained in our stories of late.  If this has occurred again, please know that it was unintentional on our part, as we certainly don’t want to take credit for someone else’s work.  If you are interested in looking up the websites we used, please email us and we will gladly supply you with those URL’s.

 

Thanks for reading!

Patti and Marg